


Avengers: The Mighty

by d0d0bird



Series: Marvel: Tales to Tantalize! [33]
Category: Jessica Jones (TV), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Amadeus Cho is a Little Shit, Angst, Antifascist Steve Rogers, Awesome Steve Rogers, Awkward Peter Parker, BAMF Loki (Marvel), Big Sister Bobbi Morse, Big Sister Jessica Jones, Bigender Loki (Marvel), Bisexual Bobbi Morse, Bisexual Jessica Jones, Bondage, Bullying, By Which I Mean Pansexual, Chaotic Neutral Loki (Marvel), Cleaning, College Student Peter Parker, Electrocution, Embarrassed Patricia Walker, Embarrassed Peter Parker, Embarrassment, Everyone Is Gay, Gags, Gen, Genius Amadeus Cho, Humiliation, Humor, Hurt Patricia Walker, Insecure Patricia Walker, Its Not a Literal Adoption But Still, Jessica Jones Adopts Peter Parker, Jessica Jones is a Good Bro, Light Angst, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Maria Hill has Issues, Mind Control, Multi, Non-Consensual Bondage, Obedience, Oblivious Thor (Marvel), POV Jessica Jones, POV Peter Parker, Pansexual Peter Parker, Pansexual Thor (Marvel), Patricia Walker Needs A Hug, Peter Parker Actually Treats Mary Jane Like a Human Being, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Damsel in Distress, Peter Parker-centric, Poly, Polyamorous Character, Polyamorous Peter Parker, Polyamory, Poor Peter Parker, Precious Peter Parker, Public Humiliation, Restraints, Ridicule, Scientist Amadeus Cho, Situational Humiliation, Strangulation, Submission, Teasing, Thor (marvel) has issues, ThunderWeb, Verbal Abuse, Verbal Humiliation, and they were ROOMMATES, bound and gagged, gagged, oh my god they were roommates, ripped pants, wedgies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d0d0bird/pseuds/d0d0bird
Summary: Peter Parker and Thor have both been disgraced and fired from the Avengers. As such, they decide to start their own Avengers! Meanwhile, S.H.I.E.L.D. begins taking concerning steps toward authoritarian rule. With Olivia Octavius thrown into the mix, will Peter and Thor’s underdog Avengers stand a chance in the coming conflict?
Relationships: Jessica Jones/Bobbi Morse, Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson, Peter Parker/Thor
Series: Marvel: Tales to Tantalize! [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507763
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Avengers: The Mighty

“This the place?”

“Think so.”

Peter and Jessica walked up the side of the grassy hill, taking in the night sky. It wasn’t chilly out per say, but Jessica was happy she had brought her jacket. They were a few minutes outside the city, heading to the meeting place Thor had told Peter about.

“Look!” said Peter, pointing, “There he is!”

Thor was standing at the top of the hill, facing away from them with his arms crossed. He looked deep in contemplation. He was wearing his viking armor and cape, which flapped in the night breeze. It was late enough that Peter wasn’t worried about being seen with him, otherwise he would have insisted Thor not wear his armor.

“Thor!” greeted Peter.

“Peter!” called Thor back.

The two approached and embraced in a long hug. Peter sighed happily as he rested his head on Thor’s armored chest. Jessica, uncomfortable, cleared her throat.

Thor believed he had recently saved Peter from the clutches of Loki. The two began an affair shortly afterward. In reality, Loki had only kidnapped Peter to boost Thor’s confidence and set the two up.* Jessica had only recently learned about this situation and still wasn’t entirely comfortable with it.

*In [Spider-Man & Thor: In Distress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23862013)

“Hello Jessica Jones,” smiled Thor, “Welcome. I’m glad you came.”

“You can thank Peter,” said Jessica, “He convinced me. I’ve got to say, I like the idea of having a team of Avengers that isn’t under the thumb of a psychopath like Hill.”

“Exactly!” declared Thor, “We’ll be an even better Avengers!”

“Yeah!” smiled Peter, “It’s going to be amazing. I really thought I had blown my one shot at being an Avenger, but here it is again! I can’t wait!”

Back when the Avengers were first formed, things had gone poorly for Peter. Maria Hill, weary of Peter’s steadfast moral compass, used Natasha Romanoff to learn all of his most humiliating secrets. She then tormented him with those secrets during a public trial with the other Avengers, which culminated in Peter being removed from the team before it was even officially formed. Jessica left the team in disgust as a result.*

*In [Avengers: Part of the Team](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22190941)

Now that Thor had also been kicked off the Avengers, as well as dethroned, thrice dumped, and found unworthy of Mjolnir,* he needed a new sense of purpose as well. With this, they could finally have another shot at being Avengers.

*In [Thor: Losers and Lovers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23161468) and [Thor: Usurped, Unseated, Unworthy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23618545)

“So what sort of infrastructure and intelligence are we working with?” asked Jessica.

“Oh, we don’t need those!” laughed Thor, “Those are the sorts of things the _other_ Avengers do!”

“I’m sorry,” said Jessica, shaking her head in disbelief, “Did you just say we don’t need equipment or information?”

“Yes!”

“How…?” began Jessica, trying to get a handle on Thor’s mind, “How did you expect us to determine our actions or carry out or missions?”

“I do that without equipment or information all the time!” smiled Thor, “We don’t need them! After all, did your Midgardian Spartans have those things? Or the Roman empire that ruled for so long?”

“I… Yes!” said Jessica, astounded at Thor’s lack of grip on reality, “Yes! They very pointedly did! That’s what made them so formidable in the first place!”

“Hm…” considered Thor.

“Come on, Jessica!” encouraged Peter, “Everything has to start somewhere.”

“We should reach out to the Heroes for Hire,” said Jessica, “They would be able to-”

“Ah yes,” nodded Thor, “I had the same thought. I reached out to them first thing.”

“Good,” sighed Jessica with relief.

“They said no.”

“What!?”

“Something about this being a poorly thought through idea with no merit.”

“So you’re telling me,” said Jessica slowly, “that the only members of this new Avengers are the three of us?”

“Of course not!” said Thor, “In fact, there’s the rest of the team right now!”

Thor was looking over Peter’s and Jessica’s heads. They turned to see the team he was referring to. Standing behind them was a short woman with short orange hair and a squirrel tail wearing a brown uniform.

“Hiya!” she waved, “I’m Squirrel Girl! Nice to meet you!”

Jessica stared expressionlessly for a moment.

“I’m leaving,” she said.

“Hey, come on!” said Peter, walking after Jessica as she turned to leave, “Jessica, I know this looks like a mess now, but what if it works? This could be exactly the sort of thing we’ve been waiting for. If we’re patient and work hard, it might work out! Don’t we at least have to try?”

Jessica looked at Peter’s happy, hopeful eyes. It was the happiest she had seen him in a long time. Maybe this was worth a shot. If Peter was this dead set on it, Jessica was invested too. She would stick around if it really mattered to him. She could tell from his eyes that it did. 

“Alright,” resigned Jessica, “I’m in. What’s the first thing on our agenda?”

“We need a name, of course!” said Thor.

“The Avengers!” suggested Squirrel Girl.

“No, that will get confusing,” said Thor, “but I like the enthusiasm! Let’s keep going, let’s hear the others!”

“The Marvelous Knights!”

“The Defenders!”

“The _Mighty_ Avengers!”

“That’s it!” declared Thor, “The Mighty Avengers! That’s perfect. After all, we are all mighty!”

“I mean I only have the proportional strength of a squirrel,” said Squirrel Girl, “Is that really mighty?”

“Well I know one thing,” beamed Thor proudly, “and that’s that we’re all mighty _cute_!”

 _Oh my God,_ realized Jessica, _We’re fucked._

***

“You’re benched?” asked Angelica, “Really?”

“Yes,” nodded Steve.

“Did she say why?”

“She said she wanted me to focus on filing my mission reports.”

Steve Rogers and Angelica Jones walked down the hall of the Triskelion, headed for the elevator. This was the third time in a row Hill had benched Steve from a mission he had been assigned to. She always seemed to have a different excuse, but one thing was clear: Hill was sending Steve on fewer and fewer missions. Steve found it suspicious.

Steve and Angelica arrived at the elevator. Steve hit the call button. A few seconds later they heard the ding of the elevator arriving. The doors opened to reveal Jane Foster, the newest Avenger, and Darcy Lewis, the Triskelion’s newest intern. Darcy had apparently been roommates with Jane in the past and had an altercation with her shortly before Jane joined the Avengers. Jane had felt so bad about the incident that she convinced Hill to offer Darcy an internship at the Triskelion.

Between the two of them, Mjolnir rested on the floor of the elevator. That was strange. Usually when Jane wasn’t using Mjolnir, it took the form of an umbrella or something. Why would it be on the floor of the elevator in hammer form like that?

“See?” said Jane to Darcy, “It’s a magic spell, not an exact science. Otherwise the weight of it would have sent us plummeting-”

Darcy suddenly tackled Jane out of the elevator. Steve and Angelica stepped back in confusion. The two women wrestled on the ground. Angelica tried to get their attention, but they were two distracted with each other. The elevator door closed during the scuffle, cutting them off from Mjolnir.

“Ha!” laughed Darcy proudly, pinning Jane down face first, “Hammer’s gone! Now I can finally do this!”

Darcy stuck one finger from each hand into her mouth and then shoved them both into Jane’s ears, causing the chubby anthropologist to groan and writhe in disgust.

“Double wet willy!” declared Darcy.

“Aaaaack!” squealed Jane, fighting to get up without success, “When I get Mjolnir back, you’ll regret this!”

“I know,” said Darcy, pushing her fingers farther into Jane’s ears and pressing the saliva into every corner and crevice, “but I have to do this. For my pride.”

“Are you two done?” asked Steve.

Both women scrambled about on the ground before managing to get to their feet, at which point they both stood in rigid attention. Angelica giggled. Steve sighed. Jane and Darcy hadn’t even realized Stever and Angelica were there. Now the two were looking at Steve in anxious silence.

“That’s better,” he said, pushing the call button again.

The elevator opened back up. Jane retrieved her hammer, turning it back to an umbrella. She and Darcy then scurried off without another word. Once they were out of sight, Steve loosened his tense shoulders.

“Jane is making an interesting addition to the team, isn’t she?” smiled Angelica.

“I am glad to have her,” admitted Steve with a chuckle.

For as much as Steve distrusted Hill, he was quite charmed by many of the people who worked with him.

Steve pushed the call button again. When the doors opened, he gestured for Angelica to enter the elevator first. She did. Once Steve was inside, he hit the button to take them to their intended floor. 

“Captain America,” said someone from behind them, “Firestar. Just who I wanted to see.”

The two Avengers spun around to face a slender woman with black hair in a S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform. They both could have sworn she wasn’t there when they boarded the elevator. Neither of them recognized her. This was strange; Steve knew just about every agent that worked at the Triskelion.

“Why’s that?” asked Angelica, suspicious.

“You both have experience with politics and history that the others here lack,” she said, “So I thought it would be best if I gave this to _you_.”

The agent handed Steve a manilla folder filled with papers. The elevator stopped at a floor and the agent got off. Steve opened the folder as both he and Angelica looked inside.

“No...” whispered Angelica in fear.

“Angelica,” said Steve somberly, “Gather your things. It’s not safe for you here.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to have a chat with Director Hill.”

***

“So basically,” explained Seymour, “it’s going to be like, a culinary podcast where I try a different elaborate recipe each episode and talk about the process of making it and then how well it turned out!”

“Sounds great!” smiled Mary Jane.

“Yeah,” nodded Peter, “I’d listen to it.”

Peter, Mary Jane, and their friend Seymour O'Reilly were enjoying lunch together in the Empire State University cafeteria. Finals were coming up, so most students were on campus far more often to study. Many went right to the cafeteria afterwards. Seymour, a senior about the graduate, was far more concerned with his new podcast idea.

Seymour was a good friend of Mary Jane’s. Though he was a football player, he spent most of his free time with the theater students. He was close to Peter as well. Mary Jane had successfully helped Peter hook up with Seymour at a Halloween party earlier that year.*

*In [Spider-Man: Halloween is for Hookups](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22190941)

“I will say,” offered Peter, “I think it will be a tough market to break into. There are a lot of culinary podcasts out there.”

“Yeah,” agreed Mary Jane, “Even if you’re as charming and funny on your podcast as you are in person, you’re going to be fighting an uphill battle trying to stand out from the others.”

“You think so?” asked Seymour, some slight concern in his voice.

“Yes,” said Peter, “but that doesn’t mean you have to give up. You just need to find something that makes your podcast… unique, you know?”

“Hello, roommate Peter!” bellowed a familiar voice from across the cafeteria.

 _What in the world…?_ wondered Peter, turning to look.

Standing across the room, carrying various cafeteria meats stacked up onto a pile on his tray, was Thor. He had completely changed his style, wearing aviator sunglasses, a grey T-shirt with the sleeves ripped off that showed off his muscular arms, black skinny jeans, and black cowboy boots. Peter did not know what to make of the sight.

“Is that…?” whispered Mary Jane to Peter.

“Yes,” said Peter, “That’s him.”

“Hi!” waved Seymour as Thor approached them and sat at their table, “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Seymour O’Reilly. I’m a friend of Peter’s. Nice to meet you!”

“Likewise, Seymour O’Reilly!” exclaimed Thor, “My name is Chad Thunder! I am Peter’s new roommate!”

“Oh my God…” whispered Mary Jane.

“Oh, cool!” said Seymour, “They finally moved someone in with you, huh Peter?”

“...yeah,” said Peter carefully, “...they did.”

“Oh boy,” laughed Seymour nervously, “I see what’s going on here. Roommate drama. I’ll give ya’ll some space while I go to the bathroom.”

Seymour got up and left. They all watched him round the corner before looking back at one another.

“Psst!” smiled Thor, removing his sunglasses, “Don’t worry, Peter. It’s me, Thor!”

“Yeah, I know,” said Peter, “What are you doing?”

“I’m blending in!” he said cheerily, putting his sunglasses back on, “Now that we’re living together, I can’t have people knowing my secret identity! So I created this alter ego. Pretty cool, huh?”

“I’m sorry,” said Peter, “Did you say ‘living together?’”

“Of course,” confirmed Thor, “Don’t worry, I’ve already moved my stuff into your room. It’s so convenient that you didn’t have a roommate! After all, now that we’re working together on the Mighty Avengers, we should live closer to one another so that we can coordinate better. ...also, I don’t have anywhere else to sleep.”

Having lost both his throne and position on the Avengers, Thor could no longer reside in his Asgardian palace or his quarters at the Triskelion.

“I… do wish you had asked me first…” said Peter.

“I will make sure to do that next time!” nodded Thor, “My apologies.”

“Hi!” said Mary Jane finally, “I’m Mary Jane Watson.”

“I am Thor, son of-!” began Thor, “I mean: I am Chad Thunder, roommate of Peter!”

Peter sighed and buried his face in his hands.

“It’s an honor to finally meet you!” continued Thor, “Peter speaks very highly of you.”

“He better,” teased Mary Jane, “I’m pretty much the best girlfriend ever.”

“It’s true,” acknowledged Peter.

“That’s great!” smiled Thor, “Peter deserves the best girlfriend ever! After all, he is such a considerate lover!”

“I know, right?” smiled Mary Jane back.

“Guys?” said Peter nervously, turning red, “Can we change the subject? I think Seymour is coming back.”

“Hey guys!” said Seymour, “You sort out your roommate troubles?”

“Yeah,” said Peter.

“So I was thinking,” said Seymour, “If the podcast needs something to make it stand out, maybe I can bring in guests with their own recipes and opinions.”

“You have your own podcast?!” exclaimed Thor with a smile.

“Uh, yeah,” said Seymour, slightly put off.

“What is it about?”

Seymour proceeded to once again explain his podcast idea in detail, this time for Thor’s benefit. Peter and Mary Jane waited patiently as Thor listened intently to Seymour and asked question after question regarding his plans. Seymour quickly began to warm up to the cheery god in disguise.

“You know what?” said Seymour, “I was going to record the first episode this weekend. Do you want to be my first guest?”

“You’re telling me,” said Thor slowly in disbelief, “That I can be ON your podcast!?!”

“Yeah,” said Seymour, “You have a perfect voice for it, plus great energy and personality to boot!”

Thor placed a hand on Seymour’s shoulder and looked him straight in the eye.

“That is one of the kindest and most uplifting things anyone has ever said to me,” he whispered.

***

“Yes,” said Director Hill into the phone, “Yes, that’ll work perfectly. Thank you. Have it to me by Friday. Goodbye.”

She hung up the phone, satisfied with the result. She had just secured full access to Alchemax’s customer records, which included detailed personal data unlike any government organization on the planet. Hill was disappointed that it had been used only for something as trivial as marketing, but proud to know it would now be used for national defense.

“Come in,” said Hill when she heard a knock at the door.

“I demand an explanation for this,” said Steven angrily, throwing a file down onto her desk.

Hill began looking through the documents.

“How did you get these?” she asked.

“Doesn’t matter,” said Steve, “I want you to put a stop to it now.”

“Frankly, I’m more concerned with your breach of security protocols,” said Hill, “These documents required the highest security clearance-”

“It doesn’t matter,” interrupted Steve angrily.

“Yes it does,” said Hill back, trying to contain her anxiousness and frustration, “This information is only for people who have the military intelligence to understand why the information was gathered.”

“Really?” said Steve, “Tell me, exactly what military intelligence is it that justifies a mutant registry?”

“Basic understanding of national security, for one,” said Hill, “but I don’t expect you to understand that.”

“This is unacceptable,” said Steve, “That list contains innocent people, some of them children, that YOU are targeting!”

“Spare me the bleeding heart speeches,” sighed Hill, “There’s nothing wrong with the public knowing who among us is capable of murder on a mere whim.”

“And the plans for the camps?”

“...that’s only in case of emergencies. We have no idea how the mutant threat will develop.”

“I seem to recall another totalitarian regime that said something similar.”

“Watch it, Captain.”

“No,” continued Steve, “I won’t let this happen. I’m going to take a stand now, before you go any farther. I’m going public with this. The privacy violations you committed to get this information are serious enough in and of themselves. You’re through, Director.”

“I forbid you to release that file,” said Hill calmly.

“Then consider this my resignation,” said Steve, taking the file and turning to leave.

Steve froze when he heard the safety of the gun click behind him.

“Don’t move,” ordered Hill, “You are under arre-”

Steve did a spinning leap into the air. Hill’s aim was thrown off by the movement, so she didn’t have time to fire her gun before Steve knocked it out of her hand with a spinning kick.

“Security!!” yelled out Hill.

Two S.H.I.E.L.D. security agents rushed in. They both readied their weapons, then hesitated.

“Isn’t that… Captain America?” asked one.

“Apprehend him!” ordered Hill, “Now!”

The agents hesitated for only half a second longer before firing. Steve was fast enough to duck out of the way of their shots. They went to fire again, but Steve was close enough now to disarm them both before knocking each of them out with a punch to the head. Hearing more security on the way, Steve ran off, file still in hand.

“Stop him!!” barked Hill loudly, “That man is committing treason!”

The rest of the Triskelion’s security was dispatched, but not hastily enough. Steve managed to get several of his possessions, including his suit and shield, out of his quarters before escaping the complex, evading and outrunning security long enough to get away.

 _This is bad,_ thought Hill, _If that information gets out, I really am through. I’d better make sure that Project Jung is completed soon._

***

“I have to admit,” said Jessica, “I didn’t expect us to find a client so quickly.”

“Yeah!” exclaimed Spider-Man, “Thanks, Thor!”

Spider-Man, Jessica, Thor, and Squirrel Girl were waiting atop a building overlooking an alleyway. It was late at night. Thor had donned his viking armor and cape. They were awaiting the arrival of a client Thor had found. The Mighty Avengers hadn’t done much yet, but Thor assured them that this client needed their help.

“Is that her?” asked Squirrel Girl, pointing at a scrawny young woman entering the alley.

“Aye,” said Thor, standing up.

“Wait a minute,” realized Spider-Man, “That’s Carlie from ESU.”

Indeed the nervous-looking woman in the alley below was Peter’s classmate: Carlie Cooper. The two were both biology majors and shared a number of classes. Peter and Mary Jane were actually pretty good friends with her. Peter had even hooked up with her on one occasion. Incidentally, it was the same party where he had hooked up with Seymour. It had been an eventful Halloween.

“Aye,” said Thor again.

“What sort of trouble is she in?”

“Let us find out!” declared Thor, leaping into the alleyway.

“Wait-!” began Spider-Man, leaping down after him.

Squirrel Girl and Jessica followed as well.

“Ah!” yelped Carlie in surprise when they all landed, “There you are!”

“Indeed it is us, the Mighty Avengers!” declared Thor, “This is Spider-Man. That is Squirrel Girl. She is Jessica Jones. I am Thor, God of Thunder!”

“How can we help you?” asked Spider-Man after a moment, affecting a slightly deep voice to conceal his identity.

“Holy crap, it’s really you!” giggled Carlie excitedly, “Is it true that-”

“Cut to the chase, fangirl,” grunted Jessica impatiently.

“Right. I saw your ad on campus,” explained Carlie, “I need your help.”

Spider-Man sighed. Though he had advised against it, Thor had insisted on hanging Mighty Avengers fliers all over campus late at night when everyone was asleep. Someone was certain to catch Thor in the act if he kept it up.

“There’s this girl,” said Carlie, “Michele. Michele Gonzales. You have to stop her.”

Spider-Man focused his attention. He knew Michele. She was a friend of Liz Allan’s and an occasional tormentor of Mary Jane. Peter had actually tried to hook up with Michele at the Halloween party too, but Michele was extremely uninterested in the prospect. Spider-Man was concerned to learn she was involved in criminal activity.

“What’s she planning?” asked Jessica.

“I don’t know,” said Carlie, “but today she gave me 3 wet willies AND a swirly.”

“...what?” asked Jessica after a moment.

“And a few days ago she gave me an atomic wedgie,” admitted Carlie meekly.

“An _atomic_ wedgie?” asked Squirrel Girl, tilting her head.

“It’s when the waistband actually gets high enough to go over your head,” explained Spider-Man, speaking from experience.

“Oh, ouch!” winced Squirrel Girl, “She did that to you in public?”

“...yeah,” muttered Carlie.

“So, like, _everyone_ could see your underwear?” clarified Squirrel Girl.

“...yeah.”

“Wow,” sighed Squirrel Girl, “That must have been humiliating.”

“...it was.”

“Just completely and utterly demeaning,” continued Squirrel Girl, “It must have made you feel like such a loser.”

“Wait a minute,” said Jessica, “Is Michele planning anything other than stealing lunch money?”

“She pantsed me on the quad last week,” added Carlie.

“Alright,” groaned Jessica, walking away, “This is ridiculous.”

“Jessica-” began Peter.

“We’re supposed to be the Avengers,” shouted Jessica back, “not the school safety patrol! Who hires the God of Thunder to stop a bully!?”

“...he’s not actually a god,” said Carlie, “is he?”

“Hey,” said Squirrel Girl to Carlie, “If we sneak up on Michele and give her an even _bigger_ wedgie, would that make you feel better?”

“Yeah, I think so,” nodded Carlie.

Squirrel Girl looked over at Thor and Spider-Man. Spider-Man shrugged. Thor nodded.

Squirrel Girl scurried off into the night on her quest for vengeance. Carlie thanked them and went off on her own. Thor flew home as well. Peter changed out of his costume and gathered his things from the hidden space in the alley where he had stashed them. The moment he saw his phone his heart skipped a beat. Captain America was wanted for treason.

***

Amadeus Cho finished entering the data points into the spreadsheet. He smiled in satisfaction and shifted the lollipop around in his mouth. He then kicked the desk, propelling himself across the room on his office chair to another computer, checking on the status of the model it was rendering. It was almost done.

Amadeus couldn’t be happier. He was the head of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Research & Development department, which meant that he got an entire high end lab to himself at the Triskelion. Director Hill had recruited him personally out of college, having read his published papers on mathematics. He hadn’t even earned a bachelor’s degree yet. She tested him against other potential applicants and he blew them all out of the water. He was on top of the world and he loved it.

Amadeus heard the door open. He tossed the remains of his lollipop into the wastebasket and kicked himself off the nearest desk, propelling himself across the lab once more until he could see the door, where he met eyes with Olivia Octavius.

“Doc Ock!” he smiled, “How are you doing? How’s the jumpsuit?”

“Don’t call me that,” grumbled Olivia, “and you know exactly how the jumpsuit is.”

“Looks good on you!”

Amadeus snickered as Olivia tugged at the crotch and seat of her green jumpsuit. The lab technicians, Olivia included, wore green jumpsuits while working. Olivia was a prisoner of S.H.I.E.L.D., but was allowed to use the lab to help with certain projects.

Olivia had been assigned to work under Amadeus, which he delighted in. Olivia was arguably the world’s greatest inventor, but now she had to do whatever Amadeus told her. She was always so smug and dismissive too, which only further motivated Amadeus to take advantage of his authority. For instance, he had ‘accidentally’ ordered her the wrong size of jumpsuit, making it three or four sizes too small.

“Demean me all you want,” said Olivia hatefully, “Nothing can compare to the sheer indignity of me, the greatest scientific genius in the world, being forced to work under a pipsqueak like you.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s test that theory,” smirked Amadeus, “because I need the toilets in the lab bathrooms cleaned yesterday. Get to it, Ock!”

Amadeus crossed his arms proudly as he watched Olivia awkwardly walk across the room to the bathroom, plucking at her butt the whole time as the tiny jumpsuit rode up on her more and more. She made a point to glare at him as she walked past, but all he did was smile back at her. Once she was gone, Amadeus kicked off the wall and rolled his chair back to the computers.

Then he heard the door again. Rolling his eyes, Amadeus kicked off his desk and rolled back toward the door. Upon seeing it was Director Hill standing there this time, he nearly fell off the chair in a panic before rushing to his feet and standing politely.

“Where’s Dr. Octavius?” asked Hill.

“She’s, uh,” said Amadeus, “using the bathroom. What is it?”

“We’re moving up the time table for Project Jung,” said Hill, “I want the prototype functioning within the month.”

“The month!?” cried Amadeus, “I couldn’t even learn everything I need to know about neuroscience by then!”

“That’s why you have Dr. Octavius,” countered Hill, “She’s an expert on every subject you need.”

“Yeah, but even with her guidance,” said Amadeus, “There’s no way I can put together a functioning-”

“Then have her build it.”

“What?”

“Give her access to the tech she needs,” said Hill slowly, “and have her build it herself.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Don’t make me tell you a second time, Mr. Cho,” said Hill coldly.

She turned and walked out. Amadeus took a deep breath. That woman scared the crap out of him. He couldn’t believe she wanted to move up Project Jung. He had always kind of assumed it was a backup plan or something. He certainly didn’t think it was important enough to give free reign of S.H.I.E.L.D. tech to a mad scientist.

“Mr. Cho,” groaned Olivia accusatorily, having returned, “Someone clogged one of the toilets with a mound of tampons and diapers. I had to pull them out with my hands. Do you happen to know anything about that?”

Amadeus chuckled to himself.

***

“I can’t believe it…” muttered Peter.

“I’m so sorry, Tiger,” offered Mary Jane.

About a day had passed since the news had broken about Cap’s alleged crimes. Peter was still having trouble coming to terms with it, trying to talk it through with Mary Jane.

“He’s innocent, right?” asked Peter nervously, “I mean he’s got to be. He would never-”

“Hey,” said Mary Jane firmly, “don’t forget, this is Hill we’re talking about. You know what she did to you and Thor.”

“Yeah…” said Peter, “You’re probably right. Still, what do I do with this?”

“Roommate Peter,” greeted Thor as he waltzed into the dorm lounge, “Seymour published the first episode of-”

Thor stopped when he saw the look on Peter’s face. The three of them were the only ones in the lounge at the moment and there was a quiet somberness that hung in the air. Thor dropped his upbeat demeanor and sat with the two of them at the table. It was the first time Thor had spoken with Peter since the news broke.

“What is the matter?” he asked.

“Steve Rogers has been accused of treason,” said Peter, “He evaded the authorities and now he’s a fugitive.”

“Treason?” wondered Thor aloud, “That doesn’t sound like him.”

“Exactly!” said Mary Jane, “Guys, something is definitely up.”

“Well, what are we supposed to do about it?” asked Peter.

“This looks like a job for the Mighty Avengers!!!” declared Thor, before Mary Jane and Peter both hurriedly shushed him.

“This looks like a job for the Mighty Avengers,” he whispered.

“What can _we_ do?” asked Peter.

Thor went to respond, but realized he didn’t know the answer. Usually the answer was pretty clear. All he had to do was hit the right person with his hammer and the day was saved. This was harder. He had no idea what to do. He shrugged.

“I think this is what Jessica was talking about,” muttered Peter defeatedly.

“That’s it!” realized Thor excitedly, “Jessica will know what to do!”

“She actually might,” pointed out Mary Jane.

Peter nodded and pulled out his phone.

***

Bobbi sighed as she finished drying herself off and tossed the towel into the hamper. She pulled on her underwear, a pair of grey sweatpants, and a loose T-shirt before flopping down onto her bed. She was in her quarters at the Triskelion, having just returned from an overnight mission. She grabbed the phone that was hidden in her mattress and scrolled through her messages from Jessica.

Bobbi had been assigned to fake a relationship with Jessica to earn her trust and spy on her for Hill. Bobbi, whose feelings for Jessica were genuine, chose to warn Jessica about this instead of following Hill’s orders. At Jessica’s suggestion, Bobbi had proceeded to trick Hill into believing that her plan was working and that Bobbi was spying on Jessica. Meanwhile, Jessica was having Bobbi feed incorrect information to Hill to keep her out of Jessica’s business.*

*As agreed upon in [Jessica Jones & Mockingbird: Burnt Bridges](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22442023)

Bobbi raised an eyebrow at the latest text she had gotten from Jessica.

**Just saw the news. Wtf happened with cap?**

Bobbi hadn’t heard anything about that, but she had only just returned from her mission. She did a quick search of the news on her phone and nearly gasped when she saw the headlines. Captain America had been declared a traitor and a fugitive, allegedly having stolen S.H.I.E.L.D. intelligence to use as blackmail before going AWOL and fleeing the authorities. His current whereabouts were unknown.

Bobbi was shocked. This was insane. Steve was one of the kindest, noblest, and most just people she had ever met in her life. He would never do anything like what he was accused of. Bobbi was much more inclined to believe this was Hill’s doing. Hill had found excuses to force both Peter and Thor off the Avengers because their moral compasses would have prevented them from unquestionably following her orders. Bobbi suspected she was doing a similar thing with Steve, since he was not dissimilar from those two.

“Agent Morse?” came a voice at the door, accompanied by a knock.

“Coming!” shouted Bobbi, hiding her phone back in her mattress.

“Nat,” she realized as she answered the door.

Agent Natasha Romanoff stood there with four other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents behind her. Bobbi immediately recognized them as security agents. This was bad.

Back when Peter had been kicked off the team, Agent Romanoff had been one of the ones to vote for Peter’s expulsion. She had also manipulated a drunken Peter to learn his secrets and trauma. She did this all under Hill’s orders. When Bobbi voted to keep Peter on the team, Agent Romanoff had warned her not to betray Hill. There was only one reason Agent Romanoff would be here with security now.

“Can I help you?” asked Bobbi.

“Agent Morse,” repeated Agent Romanoff, “You are under arrest for joining the Avengers under false pretenses, conspiracy to impede S.H.I.E.L.D. activity, and treason.”

They had found out. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Bobbi knew she was risking this when she started acting as a double agent. Now Bobbi was a wanted criminal. She would either spend her life on the run or end up in a prison cell, all because she wanted to help Jessica. She didn’t have an ounce of regret for it.

Bobbi punched Agent Romanoff in the face with a quick jab, throwing her off. The security officers each reached for their weapons. Bobbi only had a few seconds to react. She ducked past Romanoff and punched the nearest agent in the gut, causing him to double over. She then delivered a sidekick to the next closest agent, knocking her over and sending her weapon sliding away on the floor. The remaining two agents had their pistols drawn, but Bobbi used their moment of hesitation to grab either one by the arm and slam them into one another, causing both to collapse on the ground.

Bobbi began to sprint, having cleared the way for herself. She made it several strides down the hall before Agent Romanoff slammed into her from behind and brought her face first to the ground, pinning her there. Bobbi cursed to herself as she felt her wrists forcibly cuffed behind her back.

“Sorry about this, Bobbi,” whispered Agent Romanoff, “Director’s orders.”

***

Scott Summers ran past Rogue and Remy LeBeau, nearly bowling them both over as he barreled down the dormitory hall of the X-Mansion.

“Sorry!” he shouted back, continuing to run.

“He’s in a hurry,” scoffed Rogue.

“Our guest must be here,” mused Remy.

“That’s for real?” asked Rogue, almost excited, “I thought Kurt was just blowing smoke!”

“Me too,” said Remy, “but Scott’s been staring out the window all day waiting for them. Something’s got to be making him excited enough to run to the front door, yeah?”

“Let’s see!”

The previous day, their fellow X-Student Kurt Wagner had claimed that he had overheard Professor Xavier and Ororo in private discussing a certain guest that would be staying with them. If Kurt were to be believed, that guest was none other than the mutant Avenger: Firestar.

Rogue and Remy rushed to the top of the stairs in the foyer. Scott was still on a beeline for the front door. Evidently he wanted to be the one to greet Firestar. Rogue suspected that Scott had something of a celebrity crush on her. It wasn’t entirely surprising, since Scott seemed to have a penchant for powerful, redheaded mutants.

Scott was mere steps away from the front door when the doorbell rang out across the mansion. Scott’s path to the door was halted by a burst of purple smoke in front of him. Kurt emerged from the smoke and opened the door himself, leaving a stunned Scott staring at him from behind. Rogue chuckled and wondered if Kurt had done that on purpose.

“ _Ach du meine Güte!_ ” exclaimed the devilish blue boy.

Not only was Angelica Jones standing at the door, but she was accompanied by a strong-jawed muscular man with soft eyes. Seeing him next to his fellow Avenger made it clear that this was Steve Rogers, Captain America.

“Hello, son,” said Steve, “We’re here to speak with Professor Xavier.”

“Of course!” smiled Kurt in nervous excitement, “Come on in, uh, Captain! My name’s Kurt, by the way. Could I get you something to drink? Maybe some… Uh… Apple pie?”

“Professor Xavier, son,” repeated Steve calmly, “This is important.”

“Right!”

Kurt disappeared in another puff of purple smoke, leaving Scott staring dumbfounded at the two Avengers. Steve’s presence came as a complete surprise. Kurt hadn’t overheard that detail, or if he had he hadn’t told anyone. Captain America had recently been declared a fugitive and criminal by S.H.I.E.L.D. While the country was split on whether or not this had merit, the X-Students had enough skepticism of S.H.I.E.L.D. to give Steve the benefit of the doubt.

“You’re… Captain America…” muttered Scott, starstruck.

“Hello,” nodded Steve.

“...and you’re Firestar,” he muttered at a slightly higher pitch.

“You recognize me,” noted Angelica with a smile.

“Of course!” blurted out Scott, “You’re the mutant Avenger! You’re amazing!”

Rogue shifted uncomfortably in second-hand embarrassment. She couldn’t believe how hard Scott was fanboying right now. Angelica seemed somehow charmed by it though. Rogue and Remy began to approach the two themselves. Rogue was determined not to make as big a fool of herself as Scott, even though she was excited too.

“Want to see something funny?” whispered Remy to Rogue.

“Absolutely.”

Angelica and Steve smiled as the Rogue and Remy approached. Rogue saw what Remy meant moments later when he slipped a glowing playing card into the back pocket of Scott’s khakis. Rogue eagerly awaited the payoff.

“It’s so cool to finally meet you both!” beamed Scott, “Captain America, you’re so amazing! And Firestar you’re… Oh God, this is so cool!”

_**BOOM!** _

Scott yelped and grabbed his butt as the card in his back pocket detonated. The explosion wasn’t enough to burn or injure Scott, but it did blow a hole in the seat of his pants and sever the waistband. The khakis fell to the ground around Scott’s ankles, exposing his red plaid boxer shorts. Steve raised an eyebrow uncomfortably. Angelica let out a giggle. Scott, bright red in the face, hurriedly hoisted his pants back up and held them there.

“I… am so sorry…” whispered Scott. 

There was another poof of purple smoke. Kurt was there along with Charles Xavier. Xavier smiled and nodded at his guests.

“Captain Rogers, Ms. Jones,” he smiled, “it’s a pleasure.”

“Likewise, Professor,” said Angelica.

“Thank you again for your help,” added Steve.

“Of course,” said Xavier, “We’re always happy to help a mutant in need.”

“Wait a minute,” realized Rogue, “Is Firestar really gonna be staying with us?”

“For a time,” said Xavier, “at least until this troubling S.H.I.E.L.D. situation is sorted out.”

“What situation?” asked Rogue.

“My apologies,” sighed Xavier, “I would have divulged this sooner, but we had to make sure Ms. Jones was safe first. Captain Rogers has informed me that S.H.I.E.L.D. is putting together a mutant registry and even has plans for mutant internment camps if deemed necessary.”

“Christ.”

“Holy shit.”

“Wow.”

“Indeed,” nodded Xavier, “which is why Ms. Jones thought she’d be safer here.”

“And I have no doubt she will be,” added Steve.

“You sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” offered Kurt, “Or maybe a training session? The Danger Room is really cool, even by Avenger standards.”

“Thank you,” chuckled Steve, “ but there’s something else I have to take care of right now.”

Steve turned and left the mansion, leaving a dumbfounded Scott still holding his pants up and blushing as he looked at Angelica.

“Nice to meet you,” smiled Angelica at Scott as she walked off with Professor Xavier.

Scott turned even redder. Rogue and Remy shared a chuckle.

***

“Octavius! Cho!” barked Director Hill as she walked in, “Status report!”

“Same as last time,” sighed Amadeus.

“Well, work faster!” ordered Hill.

“I thought you said we had until the end of the month?”

“S.H.I.E.L.D. is dealing with traitors left and right,” said Hill, “and if we don’t act soon, we’ll be right up shit creek.”

“As charming as I find that metaphor,” mused Olivia, still tinkering with the device on the table in front of her, “your false sense of urgency will only hurt our end result.”

“Your job is to build what we tell you to build,” hissed Hill, “not to question my decisions! You’d do well to remember that you are a prisoner here, Octavius. You’re lucky not to be rotting in a cell somewhere!”

“Either lock me up or leave me be,” said Olivia, still tinkering without looking up, “Don’t waste my time with threats.”

Hill walked across the lab to the table where Olivia was working. She roughly shoved the device out of the way, grabbed Olivia by the back of her hair, and shoved her face down and into the table. It made a loud slam as she did, causing Amadeus to flinch.

“Listen here you lonely, bitter troll,” growled Hill, “You are nothing, do you understand? You are the property of S.H.I.E.L.D. You do not have rights and you do not have free will. You are mine to do with as I please. Do you understand?”

Olivia didn’t respond, gritting her teeth with indignant pride. Hill pulled her head back and slammed it down into the table again, harder this time.

“Do you understand!?” she repeated.

“...yes,” grunted Olivia.

“Say it back to me,” said Hill quietly, “So that I KNOW you understand.”

Olivia’s nostrils flared in frustration as her breath got more intense with anger and humiliation. She bit her lip and refused to speak, but then she felt Hill’s grip tighten again.

“I am the property of S.H.I.E.L.D.,” said Olivia quietly, “I have no rights and no free will.”

“Good girl,” said Hill, releasing her grip, “I want the prototype finished by the end of the day tomorrow. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Director,” said Olivia quietly.

“Cho?” asked Hill.

“Yes, Director,” he nodded fearfully.

“Good,” she said, “Now get back to work.”

Hill marched out of the room, leaving an indignant Olivia and fearful Amadeus. Once Hill was gone, Amadeus let out a deep sigh of relief. Olivia returned to work on the device. It was a large metal ring, which she had unlatched and opened to work on the circuitry inside. She continued making her adjustments.

“Do you think we can actually get that done?” asked Amadeus.

“ _I_ can,” said Olivia, “Yes.”

“That must have been really humiliating for you,” added Amadeus with a slight smirk.

Olivia glared at him for a moment, but returned to her work.

“Hey! I’m still your boss, you know!” pouted Amadeus, “And unless you want an even SMALLER jumpsuit, you’ll show me some respect!”

“Yes sir,” whispered Olivia with intense loathing, not looking up.

“What are you working on?” he asked.

“Take a look for yourself,” said Olivia, moving aside to give Amadeus room to look at the device.

Amadeus walked over and took a look. The overall design of the device hadn’t changed since he initially designed it, but the internal workings were completely different. Most of it was beyond his understanding, but he was determined to change that. He leaned in closer to see the circuitry. Suddenly the device clamped around his neck like a collar.

“What the hell!?” he cried.

The collar lit up. Amadeus emitted a strange noise and stood up straight. He turned to face Olivia, expressionless.

“Perfect,” smiled Olivia widely.

Project Jung was one of Hill’s many ‘backup’ projects for S.H.I.E.L.D. These backup projects, which broadly disregarded laws and civil rights, were completely off the books and intended to remain completely unused outside of emergencies.

Project Jung in particular was a neural inhibition project. Named after Carl Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious, the intention was to find a way to safely alter the subject’s brainwaves to force them to be compliant with orders. Olivia’s expertise in both computer engineering and neuroscience had allowed her to design a device that effectively halted independent thought while replacing it with a simplified artificial intelligence that responded to her every command.

“Tell me, Mr. Cho,” grinned Olivia deviously, “Who’s in charge here?”

“Dr. Olivia Octavius,” he responded robotically.

“And what does that make you?”

“Nothing.”

“Good,” said Olivia, “You know something, Mr. Cho? I can’t help but feel you’ve treated me unfairly this past couple of weeks. Don’t you agree?”

“Yes.”

“I feel like you have projected your insecurities onto me,” she continued, “degrading me to make you feel good about yourself. Is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“I think it’s only fair that you experience the same as punishment,” said Olivia, “Doesn’t that seem fair to you?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now, for the past couple of weeks you’ve forced me to wear this humiliatingly small jumpsuit, knowing that it would constantly ride up and make me look ridiculous. It’s time you get a taste of what that feels like.”

“Yes.”

“I want you to grab the waistband of your own underpants,” ordered Olivia, “and pull them as high as you possibly can.”

Amadeus complied immediately. He removed his lab coat, tossing it aside to get it out of the way. He then unbuttoned the top of his jumpsuit and let it hang loosely beside him. He firmly gripped either side of the waistband of his boxer briefs. He then hoisted upwards, yanking the sky blue undies higher and higher as he stood there expressionlessly. Finally, his pulling strained the fabric too much and his fingers tore through the cotton under the waistband. The rip widened more and more until Amadeus ripped the waistband completely off, holding it over his head as the remains of the underwear flopped down on either side, still firmly wedged deep inside him.

“You know, I always thought wedgies were crude and immature,” mused Olivia happily, “but I have to say I like this look on you.”

Amadeus didn’t respond. Olivia chuckled to herself and walked over to another part of the room, grabbing the different mechanical parts she needed. She set up a small work station and set about building a new tentacle harness. Soon she would not only have her revenge, but so much more.

***

“Ugh!” groaned Jessica, slamming her head into the keyboard.

“Problem?” asked Luke, who was walking by the office.

Jessica looked up at him irritably. A few weeks ago Luke Cage had contracted Jessica as an investigator for Heroes for Hire.* She had her own office space when necessary as well as access to their resources. Normally she preferred privacy while she worked, but recent events had necessitated that she take a more direct approach.

*Read that story in [Jessica Jones & Luke Cage: Measuring Up](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23500993)

“What do you think?” asked Jessica bitterly, “Captain America is accused of treason. Captain _fucking_ America. Now Thor and his ragtag Avengers want to find him and I’m the one responsible for it. I haven’t made any progress at all and I’m not convinced I can. On top of that, I haven’t heard from my girlfriend in almost 24 hours.”

“I’m sorry,” offered Luke, “You know, you don’t have to help Thor and them out. The rest of us didn’t.”

“I do,” sighed Jessica, “Peter’s all in on this and I can’t leave him out to dry. I have to at least try to make this work for him.”

“You’re a good friend, Jessica,” smiled Luke.

“Okay, dork.”

“I’m sure Bobbi’s fine,” added Luke.

“And if she’s not?”

“Then she’s lucky to be dating Jessica Jones,” said Luke, “because if she really is in trouble, there’s no one better to help her out.”

“Stop,” said Jessica, “I don’t need to be patronized right now.”

“It’s not-”

“Guys,” said Danny anxiously, rushing up beside Luke, “You’re going to want to see this.”

Jessica got up and followed the two to the lobby of the office space, where the other employees of Heroes for Hire were gathered around and watching the news on TV. It was a live broadcast of Director Maria Hill, who was delivering a press conference to a crowd of journalists while wearing some sort of metal collar around her neck.

“Furthermore,” said Hill emotionlessly, “I have wet the bed every night of my adult life. Also, I’m addicted to porn. I’ve never had sex with someone who left the experience satisfied. I have several gross medical conditions, including a rash on my…”

“What the hell is she doing?” asked Jessica, “How long has this been going on?”

“A few minutes,” said Danny, “It’s like she’s trying to ruin her own reputation.”

“I’m not complaining,” shrugged Jessica.

“Maybe you should be,” said Misty, “She’s clearly being controlled somehow. I bet this is related to Cap and your missing girlfriend.”

“Shit,” realized Jessica.

Misty was right. Jessica pulled out her phone. She needed the Mighty Avengers.

***

Olivia cackled wildly as she rewatched the footage from the press conference. The conference had ended hours ago, but it was still incredibly satisfying to watch. Director Hill, who was tied to a nearby office chair, stared at Olivia with intense hatred. The ropes were tied tightly around her arms and torso, binding her to the back of the chair. Her wrists were also each individually tied to the arms of the chair. The only relief she had was that her collar had been removed after the press conference.

“You’re deranged,” said Hill.

“Quite possibly,” grinned Olivia, “but at least I didn’t moon an entire press conference.”

Hill tightened her lips in embarrassment as her face turned red. Olivia cackled again and used her tentacles to lift herself up and walk around the room. Olivia had redesigned the lab to her liking, completely restructuring most of it for her own convenience. Different tables had been converted into advanced workshops with self-operating machinery. Numerous supercomputers and monitors had all been gathered in one location, allowing a 360 degree ring of monitors for Olivia to stand in the middle of when necessary. In the corner of the room stood Amadeus, still wearing the collar with his underwear still wedged into him. Olivia had added a dunce cap and clown makeup to complete the look.

“You think I care about something like that?” taunted Hill, “You think you can humiliate me? Fine. My duty will always come before my pride. You can’t break that.”

“Possibly,” shrugged Olivia, “but something tells me that S.H.I.E.L.D. won’t want a director with such a tarnished reputation.”

Hill gritted her teeth in frustration.

“I should really be thanking you,” said Olivia, making her way over to the monitors, “The intelligence S.H.I.E.L.D. has gathered is going to be invaluable. Project Skygrid? It’s brilliant! A clear violation of basic human rights of course, but brilliant!”

Project Skygrid was a fully designed system that combined strike drones with a satellite capable of hacking into other satellites. The result would be the near absolute ability to assassinate any target on the planet at any time. The satellite and drones had yet to be built, but that part wouldn’t take Olivia long.

“It was a backup program,” muttered Hill, “only to be implemented in emergencies.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” said Olivia, “Just like Project Jung. Unfortunately for you, both are mine now and I intend to use them.”

“You’ll fail,” insisted Hill, “S.H.I.E.L.D. has ways of stopping you.”

“Oh, you mean like the Avengers?” asked Olivia, feigning concern.

“Careful,” cautioned Hill confidently, “They have She-Hulk and the Goddess of Thunder among their ranks. I wouldn’t take them lightly.”

“Agreed,” said Olivia, “and neither should you.”

Olivia snapped her fingers. The door at the other end of the lab opened. Hill gasped. She-Hulk, Agent Romanoff, Loki, and Jane Foster marched in each wearing one of the collars and an expressionless face. Loki and Jane were both completely outfitted with their armor. Hill clenched her fists.

“It’s a shame I couldn’t get Firestar as well,” sighed Olivia, “but I’m pretty sure the captain snuck her away.”

“Snuck her away?”

“Oh please,” said Olivia, “I’ve seen all the files. I know your plans for mutants. I’m guessing that’s why the captain went AWOL?”

Hill didn’t respond, but her face gave away the answer.

“Internment camps? Really?” said Olivia judgmentally, “I’m a mad scientist and even _I_ can tell that’s inhumane.”

“It was only a backup plan,” muttered Hill, “a last resort to use if necessary.”

“And yet you’ve already begun cataloging the potential prisoners,” said Olivia, “Interesting.”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“True enough,” said Olivia, “Agent Romanoff, please escort Ms. Hill to the storage room with the others.”

“Others?”

“Oh, that’s right,” grinned Olivia, “I forgot to mention. With the Avengers under my command, I’ve taken over the complex. All personnel are currently imprisoned in the storage room. The Triskelion is mine. Every resource and piece of intelligence you’ve ever gathered is mine. I control S.H.I.E.L.D. now. I _am_ S.H.I.E.L.D. now. And soon, the world will follow!”

Olivia began cackling wildly. Hill could only grimace as she was untied and forcibly led away by Agent Romanoff. Hill couldn’t believe it. Not only had she failed her country, but she had practically hand delivered it to one of the most dangerous people on the planet.

Olivia returned to analyzing the vast amount of intelligence S.H.I.E.L.D. had gathered. Before she proceeded with her plan, she wanted to know every secret S.H.I.E.L.D. had. She made her way through the other classified projects, making particular note of one of them.

“Project Lethal Protector…” she whispered, “Fascinating…”

***

“Hey,” said Jessica as Peter and Thor walked in, “Thanks for coming. Why is Thor dressed like that?”

“Who is Thor?” asked Thor with a huge grin, “I am Chad Thunder! Roommate of Peter and Guest Star of Podcasts!”

Jessica stared at him blankly. At first she had been completely unwilling to believe Peter could actually get laid with the God of Thunder, but the more she got to know Thor, the more it was starting to make sense. He was just as big of a dork as Peter was.

“Just kidding!” added Thor, removing his sunglasses, “It’s me, Thor!”

Maybe an even bigger one.

“So what’s up?” asked Peter.

“Something weird is going on,” explained Jessica, “Come on, I’ll explain in the conference room.”

Jessica had called Peter and Thor to meet her at the Heroes for Hire office, since it was the closest thing the Mighty Avengers had to a headquarters. Luke had been kind enough to grant them use of it for free.

“Wait!” said Thor, “Let’s not begin until we are all gathered.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Jessica, “We ARE all- Shit. Squirrel Girl.”

“Yeah,” said Peter.

“Do we… _have_ to wait for her?” asked Jessica.

“Of course!” bellowed Thor, “She is a Mighty Avenger, just like the rest of us! She should be here for this.”

“Fine,” said Jessica, “I’ll text her.”

Jessica had gathered all of their contact information and collected it in one document in the cloud. She knew something like this would come up. Since Thor was so tunnel visioned about the whole thing, Jessica knew he wouldn’t have put together anything like that himself. It was weird for Jessica to think that she was the responsible one on the team.

“We can catch Squirrel Girl up when she gets here,” said Peter, “but Jessica, I think you should tell us what’s going on. Is it about Cap?”

“Partially,” said Jessica, “Have you both seen Hill’s press conference?”

“No,” they both said.

“Well the news stations are probably all still replaying it,” said Jessica, picking up the remote, “Let’s see…”

Jessica clicked on the TV, only to see a very unexpected breaking news banner.

**Criminal Mastermind Takes Control of Triskelion**

“Holy shit…” whispered Jessica.

“Oh no…” added Peter.

“Look!” pointed Thor, “It’s the Avengers! And Loki! I thought I had banished him for kidnapping Peter.”

The newscast explained that after the Triskelion dropped contact with other S.H.I.E.L.D. facilities, agents were sent to investigate. Every single one of them was captured before accomplishing anything, and eventually Olivia Octavius had revealed herself as the culprit and presented the Avengers, all wearing strange collars and obeying her every word.

“This is bad,” breathed Jessica nervously, “This is very, very bad.”

“What do we do?” asked Peter.

“I don’t know,” said Jessica, voice shaking, “I don’t… Where’s Bobbi? She’s not with the other Avengers.”

“Neither is Angelica,” noted Peter.

“I haven’t heard from Bobbi in almost two days,” said Jessica as she paced, “You don’t think… That maniac wouldn’t have-”

Jessica checked her phone.

“Oh thank God,” she sighed with relief.

“She’s okay?” asked Peter.

“Yes,” said Jessica, “She says she’s back in the city and wants to meet up… Huh.”

“What is it?” asked Peter.

“She must be worried about being spied on,” said Jessica, “She didn’t name the place, but she says it’s where we started our relationship… I can’t be the training center or my apartment. It must be the boathouse where we fought Rappaccini! That’s smart. It’s owned by the Maggia, but they stopped using it after we broke up the operation. S.H.I.E.L.D. will never look there.”

“But first we have to wait for Squirrel Girl,” said Thor, “She’s part of this team too.”

“I’ll text her to meet us there,” said Jessica, “Let’s go.”

***

Louise Grant, better known as Weezi, was fixated on the television. She couldn’t believe it. Jennifer Walters, her boss, had flown down to D.C. like usual to report for a mission. Weezi certainly thought it was taking longer than usual, but she would never have guessed anything like this was happening. What was stranger was that Weezi couldn’t even get a hold of Jennifer’s roommate and friend Patsy Walker.

“Breaking development,” said the anchor, “We have just gotten word that someone has infiltrated the Triskelion. Could this be a hero trying to stop this madness? We’re cutting now to live helicopter footage of the scene.”

The screen changed to footage from above the Triskelion, filming down in the locked off courtyard in front of the building. The camera zoomed in on a figure sprinting across the grounds on all fours.

“No confirmation yet,” said the anchor in the helicopter, “but several sources have identified the individual as Patsy Walker, A.K.A. Hellcat, former reality show star and socialite before she lost her fortune and began a life of superheroics.*”

*Read all about it in [She-Hulk: Riches to Rags](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22550437) and [Hellcat: Making a Name for Yourself](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22978693)

“Oh no,” whispered Weezi.

Hellcat was nearly at the front of the building when Jane, She-Hulk, and Loki landed in front of her, standing in a line in front of the door while staring out expressionlessly.

“Jen!” called out Hellcat, “Jen, it’s me: Patsy! Is it really-?”

Before Hellcat could finish her sentence, She-Hulk flicked her nose. The incredible strength behind the flick sent Hellcat flying back across the courtyard and landing her in a mud puddle, leaving her groaning and clutching at her bloody nose.

Hellcat ran back at the trio again, determined to save her friend. She leapt at Loki with her claws out, but passed harmlessly through him and crashed face first into the steel wall of the Triskelion, moaning as she collapsed in pain. Loki then disappeared, having only been an illusion.

Growling in frustration, Hellcat got back to her feet, covered in mud and nose still leaking blood, ran at Jane. Jane pointed Mjolnir at Hellcat and fired a stream of lightning at her. Hellcat screamed and convulsed in pain from the electricity before collapsing into a smoldering heap, twitching and moaning.

She-Hulk walked up to Hellcat, squatted down behind her, pulled back her pants, and gripped the back of her underwear with both hands.

“No, Jen!” begged Hellcat weakly, “Please, anything but- YEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!”

Weezi winced as she watched She-Hulk give Hellcat the worst wedgie she had ever seen. The green giantess held Hellcat’s body down with her foot and yanked up on the undies with the full strength of both arms. Hellcat’s shrieks were unworldly. When she was done, She-Hulk took the stretched out elastic and walked back into the building, dragging the defeated Hellcat with her.

“Oh…” sighed Weezi, realizing that this was the third time Patsy had been humiliated on national television, “Poor dear…”

***

“Hello?” called out Jessica as they walked into the building, “Hello!”

“Jessica,” whispered Bobbi intensely, “Keep your voice down!”

Jessica, Peter, and Thor turned to see Bobbi standing in the corner wearing black jeans, gym shoes, and a hoodie. She lifted the hood to reveal her face and walked up to Jessica. Jessica felt the urge to embrace and kiss her right then, but fought it off to stay focused.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” said Jessica instead.

“What happened?” asked Peter, “How did you get away from Olivia?”

“Believe it or not,” said Bobbi, “by being arrested.”

“Shit,” said Jessica, “Did Hill find out about-?”

“Yes.”

“Find out what?” asked Peter.

“Bobbi was leaking S.H.I.E.L.D. info to me and keeping Hill out of our business by feeding her false information,” explained Jessica, “She was basically a double agent. Shit. I’m sorry Bobbi, this is-”

“It’s okay, Jess,” said Bobbi, “I knew what I was doing. I have no regrets.”

“How did you escape?” asked Peter.

“I had some help,” said Bobbi, nodding to something behind them.

The group turned around as a man wearing a baseball cap down over his eyes approached them. When he was close enough for them to see, he took off the hat.

“Cap!” gasped Peter in delight, “You’re okay!”

“I am,” nodded Steve, “Thank you all for coming.”

“This was your idea?” asked Jessica.

“Yes,” said Steve, “I need your help.”

“Of course!” bellowed Thor, “The Mighty Avengers are at your service!”

“The… Mighty Avengers?” asked Steve in perplexion.

“Don’t worry about it,” dismissed Jessica, “What about Angelica, did she get out as well?”

“Yes,” said Steve, “We left as soon as we found out about the mutant registry. She’s somewhere safe now.”

“Mutant registry?” asked Jessica.

“Hill had a plan to require registration for all mutants in the country,” said Steve, “There was even early planning for camps if deemed necessary.”

“Christ…” whispered Jessica.

“You were right all along, Jessica,” said Bobbi sadly, “S.H.I.E.L.D. can’t be trusted.”

“What do we do now?” asked Peter.

“We attack the Triskelion,” said Steve.

“Excellent!” exclaimed Thor, “A wondrous plan!”

“No,” said Jessica emphatically, “No, NOT a wondrous plan! I don’t know if you keep up with the news, but even the Avengers couldn’t stop Octavius! We’ll get creamed!”

“But we have something the other Avengers didn’t...” said Steve.

“If you say friendship I swear to God…”

“No,” he said, “We have a spy on the inside.”

“Who?” asked Peter, “I thought Octavius was working alone.”

“She very well might be,” said Steve, “but someone has been anonymously sending me accurate information about everything that’s been happening. It’s how I knew about Bobbi’s arrest and where to find her.”

“And with this person’s help, you think we can break in?” asked Peter.

“Yes,” said Steve, “If we plan it right. They sent me schematics of the building as well as the changes Olivia has made to the defenses. For a five person team-”

“Six,” corrected Thor.

“Excuse me?”

“We have one more Mighty Avenger on the way,” explained Thor.

“Hiya fellas!” came a cheery voice from above, “Looks like I found ya!”

They all looked up and saw Squirrel Girl perched on the edge of one of the windows. She leapt down to a lower rafter and then to cable, which she swung off and landed on the ground near the others. She smiled up at them as she flicked her tail back and forth.

“...I see,” said Steve after a moment.

“What else did your contact tell you?” asked Peter.

“Olivia has access to a S.H.I.E.L.D. program called Project Skygrid,” he explained, “It’s a series of drones that uses satellites to carry out assassinations. If our contact is to be believed, it gives Olivia the ability to target anyone anywhere on the planet. We have to stop her before she launches it. If we’re too late, Olivia will be unstoppable.”

“How long do we have?” asked Thor.

“Our contact says Skygrid will be operational in a matter of hours.”

“We’ll never stop that on time!” exclaimed Peter.

“...what if we could stop the program even after it launches?” asked Jessica after a moment.

“If you have any ideas on how,” said Steve, “I’m happy to hear them.”

Jessica dialed a number into her phone and held it up to her ear.

“Heroes for Hire?” asked Bobbi.

“No,” said Jessica, “Luke said they’re staying focused on protecting the city in case things go farther south.”

“Then who are you calling?”

***

Micro watched the footage of Olivia presenting the mind controlled Avengers. Then he rewound it and played it again. This was insane. He had long known that S.H.I.E.L.D. held too much power, but he had never expected it to come to a head this way.

“Spook, you seeing this?”

Frank Castle walked into the room, pointing at Micro’s monitor as he approached.

“Hard not to,” said Micro.

“So what’s the plan?”

“The plan?” scoffed Micro, “There’s no plan for this! This is unprecedented!”

“Well, what are we going to do about it?”

“ _We_?” said Micro, “How much do you think a hacker and a guy with a bunch of guns can accomplish here, exactly?”

“We have to try something,” said Frank, turning toward the armory.

“You planning on shooting the Avengers!?” called Micro after him.

“I’ll use plastic bullets!” shouted Frank back.

“....and there he goes,” sighed Micro.

Micro felt his phone buzz. That was odd. He didn’t exactly have a lot of acquaintances that liked to call him. Not recognizing the number, he activated an application in his phone to trace the call. Then he picked up.

“Hello?”

“Micro?” said the woman on the other end, “This is Micro, right?”

“How’d you get this number?”

“Karen gave it to me.”

“Karen gave- Is this Jessica Jones?*”

*Find out how they met in [Spider-Man & The Punisher: He Broke In](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23267920)

“Brilliant deduction, we’re all very proud of you,” said Jessica, “Hey, can you help me with something?”

“You’ll have to call me back during work hours.”

“It’s about the Triskelion, smartass.”

“What about it?”

“If there were some sort of advanced software that controlled a satellite and a bunch of drones,” explained Jessica, “and that software was on a S.H.I.E.L.D. computer, would it be possible to override the security and… hack into the mainframe?”

“That’s not how mainframes work.”

“Whatever,” said Jessica, “Could you help us or what?”

“I’m guessing this isn’t hypothetical.”

“Another brilliant deduction,” said Jessica, “You never cease to amaze.”

“Theoretically, yes,” sighed Micro, “but without direct access to the hardware-”

“Could you walk someone through the process if they had direct access?”

“Again, theoretically,” said Micro, “What the hell are you planning, Jessica?”

“Just be ready for another call,” said Jessica, “Can you do that?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Great, thanks!”

_Click!_

Micro sighed and looked down at the phone. Then he turned around to see Frank emerging from the armory decked out in weapons. He had his tactical skull vest strapped with grenades and sidearms. Two enormous guns were strapped to his back and several more were strapped to his legs.

“You taking the battle van?”

“Of course I’m taking the battle van.”

“Fine,” sighed Micro, “I’ll try to clear all the traffic cams for you.”

***

Captain America, Mockingbird, Jessica, Thor, Spider-Man, and Squirrel Girl stood atop a hill looking down at the Triskelion. Thor had carried them all there by bounding as quickly as he could while they all held onto him, something Jessica was extremely reluctant about and requested never be discussed again.

“This is it,” said Captain America, “Is everyone ready?”

“Yes sir,” answered Spider-Man eagerly.

“Aye,” said Thor.

“Yessireebob!” chirped Squirrel Girl.

“Yes,” said Bobbi.

“Let’s do this,” said Jessica.

Captain America was wearing his uniform again, proudly standing at the head of what he had agreed to call the Mighty Avengers. Thor had donned his armor and Peter had changed into his Spider-Man costume as well. Bobbi was still in her jeans and hoodie, having had her weapons and uniform confiscated when she was arrested.

They all took a moment to look up at the sky. There seemed to be some sort of face staring down at them. The harder they looked, the clearer the face became.

“Is that that Watcher?” asked Spider-Man, “Uatu?”

“Aye,” nodded Thor, “This is a sign. We have a great battle ahead of us.”

The others looked up at the face again, watching the cosmic being stare back. Then they returned their attention to one another. It was time.

“Okay,” said Captain America, readying his shield, “Remember the plan, everyone! Whenever you’re ready, Thor.”

“MIGHTY AVENGERS!” roared Thor proudly, “ASSEMBLE!”

Lightning crashed down from the sky, engulfing Thor in white light as the others shielded their eyes. Thor, eyes glowing as lightning danced around his body, began his charge toward the Triskelion. The others followed behind him.

Thor was the fastest of them, reaching the gates to the Triskelion grounds first. He smashed down the courtyard gates with a punch, looking up at the Triskelion as Spider-Man landed next to him and Jessica rushed up to his side. Steve and Bobbi arrived a minute or so later.

Suddenly two figures leapt down from the top of the Triskelion, landing directly in front of them. The dust cleared and revealed the two to be Loki and Jane, both dressed in their full armor and ready to fight.

The Mighty Avengers assumed their battle stances, but hesitated when they heard a loud rumbling. Looking up, the team saw some sort of rocket launching off the top of the Triskelion and heading straight up for the sky.

“Project Skygrid…” realized Jessica.

“We’re running out of time!” exclaimed Mockingbird.

“The rest of you go on ahead,” said Thor, “I’ll handle these two.”

“Thor…” whispered Spider-Man with concern, knowing the Thunder God was outmatched.

“Thor’s right, son,” said Captain America, “He’s the only one of us capable of holding these two off.”

“Don’t worry, Peter,” assured Thor, “Even if I lose, I will fall knowing I helped the rest of you complete the mission.”

Spider-Man steeled himself and nodded. This was part of being in Avenger. He had to trust his team leader when he made decisions like this. Spider-Man trusted Thor to handle himself.

Thor roared as he hurled a bolt of lightning at the front of the building, blasting open the locked door and the walls surrounding it. The others rushed into the building as Thor prepared to fight the two other gods.

The rest made their way through the lobby and to the central area of the building, which was a wide open room connecting to various other parts of the complex. Captain America looked around, getting his bearings.

“Right,” he said, “Squirrel Girl, Mockingbird, Jessica: head down that hall on the left. It leads to the storage room. That’s where the prisoners are being held. Free them and then take care of Skygrid. Spider-Man, you and I should start our search for Octavius on this floor and work our way up.”

Everyone nodded in understanding. Spider-Man and Captain America ran off in one direction while Jessica, Mockingbird, and Squirrel Girl ran off in another. Jessica’s team was about a fourth of the way to the storage room when someone dropped down from the ceiling directly in front of them.

“Romanoff,” muttered Jessica, her voice filled with venom.

Agent Romanoff stood before them in her special operations black S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform and the metal collar around her neck. She was expressionless, completely without fear or confidence. It was eerie to see.

“Squirrel Girl,” said Mockingbird, “You go on ahead. Jessica and I have some unfinished business with Ms. Romanoff.”

“Okie-dokie!” smiled Squirrel Girl, giving a thumbs up and scampering past Romanoff.

Romanoff drew her sidearm and fired it at them, but both Jessica and Mockingbird dodged it by ducking to either side. Jessica made her next move quickly, rushing up to Agent Romanoff and tackling her with all her strength, pinning her to the ground.

“You little shit!” yelled Jessica, knocking Romanoff’s gun aside and punching her in the face, “You remember what you did to Peter? Huh? Do you?”

“Jessica…” began Mockingbird.

Jessica punched several more times. Finally, she stopped and took a deep breath. She hadn’t used all of her strength with those punches, but she had used a lot of it. Romanoff’s face was a complete bloody mess now, having been knocked unconscious after just the first or second punch. Jessica was confident she had permanently damaged the woman’s face. Jessica was fine with that. She grabbed the collar from either side and pulled, ripping it in half and freeing Romanoff.

“I think maybe you should have started with that,” said Mockingbird.

“Nah,” said Jessica, “Punching her felt good.”

“What’s that?” asked Mockingbird, pointing at the remains of the collar.

There was a blinking light in it. Jessica quickly smashed it.

“Shit,” sighed Jessica, “It was probably sending a signal.”

Suddenly there was a huge crashing sound as the ceiling above them collapsed, raining down shards of metal on the two as they rushed out of the way, narrowly avoiding being crushed by the huge being who came down with it. The figure rose up from the dust and they saw that it was none other than She-Hulk.

“Oh my God,” realized Jessica, “We’re fucked.”

***

Thor cried out in pain as his body slammed into the side of the Triskelion, denting it as he bounced off of it and onto the ground. He groaned as he got to his feet, cape in tatters and his armor mostly torn apart.

Loki and Jane approached him, both completely unharmed. The fight hadn’t been going on long yet, but Thor was already losing badly. Jane had all of his strength and then some thanks to Mjolnir. Loki’s abilities already rivaled his own, so Thor was more than outmatched.

Thor knew this would happen. He wasn’t strong enough. He had learned that much over the past several months. He wasn’t a good All-Father, he wasn’t a warrior worthy of Mjolnir, and he wasn’t even a capable leader of the Mighty Avengers. He knew one thing though: by losing this fight, he had kept Jane and Loki from harming Peter or the others. That made it all worth it.

“Go ahead,” said Thor, accepting his fate, “End it.”

Jane raised Mjolnir into the air as it gathered electricity from the air and began to glow the white hot color of lightning. She swung the hammer at Thor and hurled a massive bolt of lightning at him, leaving a smoldering crater he had been.

Thor opened his eyes. He was alive. He saw the burnt section of the courtyard that the lightning had hit. He had dodged it. But how?

“Come on, brother,” chuckled Loki, “You could have held off longer than that.”

“Loki!?” exclaimed Thor.

Loki was standing over Thor, who had grown too weak to stand. Loki had teleported Thor out of harm’s way at the last minute. Thor saw that the collar was no longer around his brother’s neck.

“Thank you, brother,” said Thor, “But how-?”

“Midgardians are so easy to fool,” said Loki, “All I did was create the illusion of a collar around my neck and they all bought it.”

“But-”

“Who did you think was Steve’s inside man?” smiled Loki, “I’ve been planning this from the beginning.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” asked Thor.

“You have to admit,” said Loki, “It’s far more exciting for you to find out this way.”

Thor nodded in acknowledgement. This was pretty standard for Loki. He loved to reveal his plans at dramatic moments. He also loved to switch sides at dramatic moments. Come to think of it, he just generally loved dramatic moments.

“I despise authoritarians,” muttered Loki, “Dismantling Hill’s precious little empire has always been my hope.”

Jane turned to the two brothers, approaching them as she once again gathered lightning in Mjolnir. Loki drew his knives and readied himself.

“Careful brother,” warned Thor, “She has all the strength I once wielded.”

“Indeed,” nodded Loki, “but without your gullibility.”

“Thank you,” smiled Thor.

“That’s not-” began Loki, before sighing, “Nevermind.”

Thunder rumbled as Jane readied her hammer for battle. Loki nimbly leapt away from Thor and around the grounds as Jane fired a stream of lightning at him, destroying most of the area in the process.

Jane lifted her hammer toward the sky. Loki looked up and saw a thundercloud forming over his head. He knew this trick all too well. He also knew exactly what to do. He rushed at Jane, knives drawn. The cloud followed him, just as he predicted. Jane had her hammer at the ready and Loki could hear more and more thunder as the cloud above him gathered more lightning. Loki pointed both knives at Jane as he reached stabbing range, but then surprised her by flipping over her head and running past her.

The moment Loki did that, the gathered lightning in the cloud crashed down. Loki had moved fast enough and timed his flip well enough that instead of hitting Loki, the lightning came down directly onto Jane. She screamed as her whole body shook.

When it was over, Jane was left charred and dazed. She was wobbling back and forth as the collar around her neck sparked and sputtered. She looked around, felt the collar, and ripped it off of her before tossing it aside.

“What… happened?” she asked.

“You’re welcome,” offered Loki.

“Man,” thought Jane aloud, “What IS that collar? Why can’t I remember anything?”

“You were under the control of Olivia Octavius,” said Thor, weakly getting to his feet.

“She broke out!?” realized Jane nervously.

“Broke out?” scoffed Loki, “She took control of S.H.I.E.L.D. and- Thor, you’re walking already?” 

Loki raised an eyebrow at his brother. Thor clutched his side as he limped toward the entrance.

“Aye,” he said, “The others need me.”

“And me,” declared Jane proudly, having trouble standing herself on account of the lightning strike.

“Suit yourselves,” shrugged Loki, “I’m bored and you all seem to have this handled, so I’m going to head out now.”

Loki disappeared in a green flash, leaving Thor still weakly limping into the Triskelion as the charred Jane followed along.

***

“Hm,” said Squirrel Girl, “This seems to be the place!”

She was standing in front of a metal door labeled ‘Storage Room,’ where she had been told the prisoners were being held. She grabbed the handle to open the door, but found it to be locked.

“Curses!” she exclaimed.

She folded her arms, closed her eyes, and tapped her foot as she tried to think of another plan. The door could probably be unlocked from the inside, but if she could find a way inside without using the door she wouldn’t even have this problem.

“Tippy?” she asked loudly, “Do you have any ideas?”

“Sure do!” responded a squirrel that had been hiding in the folds of Squirrel Girl’s tail.

Tippy couldn’t speak english of course, but Squirrel Girl’s mutant ability gave her the power to understand and communicate with squirrels. She found them to be a delightful, peace-loving species that were often better company than humans.

“Check that out!” said Tippy, leaping to Squirrel Girl’s shoulder and pointing to a small vent.

“So?”

“Even a storage room needs ventilation, right?” surmised Tippy, “So the air ducts probably lead into there.”

“You think MY hips are fitting through that thing?” scoffed Squirrel Girl.

“Of course not,” said Tippy, “You and your bodacious behind stay here. I’ll crawl in and open it from the inside.”

Squirrel Girl watched as her friend leapt off of her shoulder and latched onto the vent, then stopped.

“Um,” he muttered, “A little help?”

Squirrel Girl used her proportional squirrel strength to rip the grate off the wall, giving Tippy the opportunity to jump in and scamper down the metal duct.

“I hope this works,” muttered Squirrel Girl to herself.

It did. Several minutes later Squirrel Girl heard the click of the lock as the door slowly swung open, with Tippy hanging off the handle on the other side. Squirrel Girl offered her arm and Tippy ran up it and onto her shoulder.

She walked inside and, sure enough, there were well over a hundred S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and staff sitting with their wrists tied behind their back. Among them Squirrel Girl also noticed Maria Hill and Patsy Walker.

“Hi everyone!” waved Squirrel Girl cheerily, “I’m here to save ya! Just sit tight and I’ll have you free in a jiffy. Tippy, want to give me a hand?”

Several of the prisoners tilted their heads in confusion. From their perspective, Squirrel Girl’s words to Tippy sounded like squirrel chatter. Tippy and Squirrel Girl set about freeing each of the prisoners, gnawing through the ropes that bound their wrists.

After several minutes of gnawing, the prisoners were all free. Squirrel Girl told them to head out into the hallway, where she’d guide them out shortly. She watched the prisoners exit, only to see that Patsy Walker was still sitting there glumly. She was wearing a tattered sundress without shoes. Her red hair was a tangled mess and her face was bruised pretty badly.

“Hey,” smiled Squirrel Girl as she squatted next to her, “You’re Patsy, right?”

The girl nodded, hugging her legs in close.

“What do you say we get out of here?” said Squirrel Girl.

“What’s the point?” muttered Patsy, “I’d just return to my life of being a miserable failure…”

“Hey!” said Squirrel Girl, leaning over and trying to look Patsy in the eye, “Don’t talk like that! You’re not a failure!”

“Oh yeah?” scoffed Patsy, “I’m guessing you didn’t see my attempt to stop all this.”

“I sure did!” said Squirrel Girl, “And I have to say, I was mighty impressed.”

 _Heh, Mighty,_ thought Squirrel Girl, _Like the Mighty Avengers._

“Why?” asked Patsy in weak confusion.

“Are you kidding me?” exclaimed Squirrel Girl, “That was brave as heck! Anyone can stand up to the bad guys when they’re easy to beat. If you ask me, it takes real nuts to do what you did.”

“I think you mean guts.”

“I know what I said.”

“You mean it?” asked Patsy, almost smiling.

“Yeah!” smiled Squirrel Girl cheerily, “Now come on, let’s get out of here!”

Patsy nodded and stood up, slowly walking out to join the others. Her walk had a wide stance and she winced with each step. Squirrel Girl could only assume that she was still suffering from the effects of the ungodly wedgie She-Hulk had given her.

Squirrel Girl’s ear twitched. She heard a clicking sound. She spun around to face the source, seeing Maria Hill gathering weapons out of one of the storage crates.

“And just what do you think YOU’RE doing?” accused Squirrel Girl.

“Preparing my equipment for combat,” she said plainly, “I’m taking Octavius down.”

“I don’t think so, missy!” said Squirrel Girl, resting her fists on her hips, “I know exactly what kind of person you are! You can’t be trusted with any weapons.”

“Yeah?” dared Hill, loading her gun and glaring at Squirrel Girl, “Who’s going to stop me?”

An enormous storage crate fell off of the nearby stack. Hill barely had time to react before it crashed into her head, knocking her to the ground and leaving her completely out cold. Squirrel Girl looked up to see Tippy standing where the crate had been.

“Nice one, Tips!” cheered Squirrel Girl, giving a thumbs up.

“Thanks!” said Tippy.

The squirrel then hopped down the pile of crates and scampered over to Squirrel Girl, climbing up the side of her leg and then back into the folds of her tail. Squirrel Girl couldn’t speak from experience, but all the squirrels told her that her tail was quite cozy.

“Alright everyone,” said Squirrel Girl, throwing Hill’s body over her shoulder, “Let’s get a move on!”

***

“Hill’s office is down this way,” said Captain America, rounding the corner.

“And you think that’s where she is?” asked Spider-Man, following closely behind.

“Yes,” nodded Captain America, “or at least it’s my first guess.”

The two made it to Hill’s office, though it appeared empty. Captain America forced open the door and the two walked in, looking around the room. The only thing worth noting was the missing computer.

“Well this was a bust,” sighed Spider-Man, “What was your next guess?”

Then his spider sense sent a shiver down his spine.

“Well, well, well,” cackled Olivia, “The fugitive returns to save the country that betrayed him. And he’s brought a little spider along for the ride!”

Captain America and Spider-Man both turned to face Olivia, who was just outside the office. She was wearing a heavily modified S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform, integrated with some sort of harness on her chest.

“This ends now, Doctor!” declared Captain America.

“Sorry, Captain,” said Olivia, “I’m not here for you, I’m here for _him_.”

“Me?” asked Spider-Man in confusion.

“Be that as it may,” said Captain America, readying his shield, “you’ll have to fight both of us!”

“Very well,” said Olivia.

Then her mouth grew into a devilish grin as four flexible mechanical arms burst from her back and raced toward the two. Spider-Man’s spider sense guided him past each of the tentacles, dodging them relatively easily. Captain America knocked aside the first one with his shield and then tried to block the second one. Both tentacles then ripped the shield out of his hand and tossed it aside. Then they both grasped onto his neck.

Spider-Man had made it past the tentacles and all the way to Olivia, whom he punched directly in the gut and sent her flying down the hallway. Spider-Man gasped as he saw Captain America go flying with her, held tightly by two of her tentacles. Spider-Man sprinted towards them to free him, but within seconds Olivia’s tentacles had forced Captain America to his knees with his hands held tightly behind his back. One tentacle wrapped itself around his neck and began squeezing.

“Stop!” ordered Olivia, “Or I squeeze until his head pops like a balloon.”

Spider-Man froze.

“No…” choked Captain America, “Spider-Man, don’t… GACK!”

She was squeezing tighter now. His face was turning purple.

“Let him go!” ordered Spider-Man.

“Absolutely,” agreed Olivia, “Turn yourself over to me and I’ll do it right away.”

“Yes!” said Spider-Man immediately, “I surrender. Now please, let him go.”

Olivia smiled and released her grip on Captain America, who gasped for breath. She then struck him hard in the back of the head with one of her tentacles, knocking him out and leaving him lying face down on the floor.

Spider-Man resisted the urge to respond to his spider sense as the tentacles rushed to him, clutching him from every direction and coiling around him. They lifted him into the air and brought him closer to Olivia.

“Good decision,” she smiled, “Now let’s go. I need you for a very special project.”

***

Jessica and Mockingbird both hit the wall with incredible force, grunting as they slid to the ground next to each other. Both were pretty badly beaten, muscles weak and bones aching from the pounding She-Hulk was giving them.

“At least she’s not using lethal force…” grunted Mockingbird.

Jessica turned and looked at Mockingbird. It was hard to look at. She had gotten it far worse than Jessica had. Jessica’s body resisted impacts far more than the average person, but She-Hulk was giving both of them the same treatment. The sight of blood dripping from her girlfriend’s head was too much for Jessica. She had to stop this.

“Jessica, what are you-?” began Mockingbird.

Jessica had grabbed the back of Mockingbird’s hoodie. She turned to the hole in the ceiling She-Hulk had smashed through. Then flung Mockingbird up through that hole onto the floor above, ignoring Mockingbird’s yelps of surprise and discomfort.

“Go!” shouted Jessica as Mockingbird got to her feet on the floor above, “See if you can find some way to stop the satellite thing!”

Mockingbird nodded and ran off. She-Hulk stepped closer to Jessica, looking straight at her with expressionless eyes. Jessica smirked. If this was her last stand, the least she could do is go out like a badass.

“Go on,” she dared, “Do your worst.”

Jessica would come to regret those words. She-Hulk grabbed a fistful of Jessica’s hair, causing her to scream out in pain as She-Hulk forced her to bend over. Then Jessica felt She-Hulk pull up the back of her jacket and shirt before grabbing a fistful of her exposed underwear.

“Oh no…” uttered Jessica.

Jessica let out a screech of pain as she felt her underwear shoot up and into her butt and vagina and cut into her with powerful force. The white fabric had stretched up to Jessica’s head instantly, rubbing her sore crotch and butt more and more raw as She-Hulk kept the tension. Jessica couldn’t believe this was happening.

Jessica yelped as She-Hulk stretched the waistband further and shoved it down over her eyes. She-Hulk then twirled Jessica around over and over again, leaving her incredibly dizzy and unable to see. Then Jessica let out a cry of pain as she felt She-Hulk jerk her into the air by the back of her jeans, forcing the denim up and into her butt along with the underwear.

“Why!?” yelled Jessica in pain, hanging there with her underwear still over her head.

She-Hulk then used her other hand to reach into the front of Jessica’s jeans and grab the front of the waistband of her underwear. Jessica gasped in fear as she felt the grip on her jeans loosen. She-Hulk caught the back of the underwear as it snapped off of Jessica’s head, causing Jessica to fall into a massive wedgie from both the front and back. She-Hulk then began to alternate between pulling up on either end, sliding the cotton back and forth through Jessica’s butt and vagina.

“Oh my God!” cried out Jessica, “You’re _flossing_ me!!”

She-Hulk released the front part of the underwear, causing Jessica to fall forward before being yanked back up by the back of her underwear as She-Hulk proceeded to bounce Jessica like a yo-yo.

“Come on!” whined Jessica, “Stop!”

She-Hulk didn’t stop, but instead swung Jessica around her head over and over by the underwear. The centrifugal force of the swinging caused the underwear to cut deeper and deeper into Jessica with each circle.

“Oh Goooooooooooooooooooood!!!!” she screamed.

“Hey, jerk!” cried out a familiar voice, “You leave her alone!”

She-Hulk ceased the swinging, holding a dazed and weak Jessica just off the ground by the now thoroughly stretched briefs. She-Hulk turned to face the voice, finding it to be Squirrel Girl standing at the end of the hallway.

“Oof!” grunted Jessica as She-Hulk finally dropped her to the ground.

Jessica let out a long, pained moan. It felt like her underwear had sawed through her body from the bottom up. A huge heap of stretched out elastic lay next to her, stemming from the back of her pants.

She-Hulk charged at Squirrel Girl, who assumed a fighting position. She-Hulk got closer and closer until Squirrel Girl jumped straight up into the air. She-Hulk missed as Squirrel Girl landed on her shoulders. Squirrel Girl leaned down and sunk her enhanced teeth into the collar and bit down with her incredible jaw strength. The device emitted a bunch of sparks before releasing a burst of hot smoke that scared Squirrel Girl off of She-Hulk.

She-Hulk looked around in bewilderment. Then noticed the collar around her neck she ripped it off, crumpled it in her hands, and tossed it aside.

“Okay,” she said impatiently, “Someone explain to me what’s going on.”

“Basically,” said Squirrel Girl, “Dr. Olivia Octavius, the mad scientist lady, mind controlled you Avenger guys and used you to take control of S.H.I.E.L.D. But the Mighty Avengers and I have come to save the day! I’ve already rescued the prisoners.”

“Mind control…” said She-Hulk, looking at the crumpled collar.

She-Hulk turned around and saw Jessica. She gasped and covered her mouth at the sight. The grizzled private investigator slowly stood up, barely able to move her legs from the severity of the wedgie. Jessica reached both hands into the back of her pants, but then her eyes widened.

“Oh no…” whispered She-Hulk, “Is it…? Did I…?”

“Yeah,” whispered Jessica quietly as she blushed, “and it’s not coming out…”

“Don’t worry,” assured She-Hulk, “I can fix it. I just need some help. You, Ms…?”

“Squirrel Girl, at your service!” saluted the young hero, “What can I do ya for?”

“Okay,” explained She-Hulk, “Jessica, I’m going to need you to pull down your pants. Squirrel Girl, I’m going to need you to hold her buttcheeks apart while I pull out the underwear.”

“You can’t be serious,” said Jessica, mortified.

“Sorry,” shrugged She-Hulk, “It’s the only way.”

Jessica groaned, but complied. She turned her butt to the two of them and bent over, lowering her pants so they could see the damage. Squirrel Girl winced at the very sight of it.

“Just hurry up and get it over with….” whimpered Jessica, clenching her eyes shut in anticipation.

Squirrel Girl pulled apart the cheeks as She-Hulk grabbed the underwear. Then she yanked it out, causing Jessica to cry out in pain from the friction of the cotton being ripped from her body. She remained bent over, moaning in pain as she turned around and went to pull her pants back up. It was in that moment that she realized, to her horror, that countless S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and staff were standing at the end of the hall staring at her with gaping mouths.

“I want to crawl into a hole and die…” muttered Jessica quietly.

“No time for that now,” said She-Hulk, “Let’s get a move on. We still have Olivia to deal with, remember?”

***

Mockingbird punched in the password and thanked her luck when the door opened. Neither Hill nor Olivia had thought to change it. She made it to the computer lab of the Triskelion, where their cyber warfare division was based. Of course all the agents that worked there had been captured, but Mockingbird was sure this was where the satellite system was being operated.

To her surprise, the room was not entirely empty. Several agents were stationed around the room with weapons while another sat at a computer monitoring the screen. All were wearing metal collars around their neck.

 _Great,_ thought Mockingbird.

She cursed not having her weapons or equipment. She’d have to do this old school. She banged on the wall next to the entrance to the computer lab and waited. One of the guards walked out, searching for her. Mockingbird quickly elbowed the agent in the gut and went to flip him over her shoulder. The agent stood his ground and wasn’t flipped, striking her in the side of the head with his rifle.

 _Crap_ she realized.

Mockingbird couldn’t rely on her normal fighting techniques against these enemies. They were being controlled by the collars; they wouldn't react to pain or fear the way her opponents normally did. She’d just have to forcibly beat them into submission.

Mockingbird fought through the throbbing pain in her head to reach her arms up behind the rifle and rip it out of the agent’s hands. She then used it to strike the agent in the head, knocking him out. By now the other agents had noticed, so she fired a wave of bullets across the ceiling of the room as a distraction. None of the agents reacted.

“Right,” sighed Mockingbird to herself, “That doesn’t work on them either.”

She dodged behind the wall as the agents returned fire, narrowly dodging the shots. An agent ran around the corner. Mockingbird attempted to strike him with the butt of the rifle still in her hand. He blocked the blow and tried to force the barrel back toward her, but she forced the barrel into the edge of the collar and fired. The collar sparked and sputtered as the agent cried out in pain from the noise.

“Sorry,” offered Mockingbird quickly, tossing the agent aside out of the way of gunfire.

The last two gunmen rushed Mockingbird, open firing at the doorway. She dodged behind the wall again. She waited and then leapt high into the air, ending up at shoulder-height of the agents between their heads. She did the splits midair and kicked either of her legs out in opposite directions, striking each agent on the head and knocking them out.

_**RIIIP!** _

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” muttered Mockingbird as she landed.

She had stretched her jeans beyond their limit. The crotch of the pants split wide open from the strain of the splits, leaving Bobbi’s white underwear with purple polka dots clearly visible through the huge hole in the crotch of her otherwise all black outfit.

“I knew I should have worn yoga pants,” she whispered to herself.

The final agent charged Mockingbird as well, though he was unarmed. She waited until he was close and knocked him out with a punch directly to his head. She then approached his computer, logged in, pulled out her phone, and dialed the number Jessica had given her.

“Micro,” she said when he picked up, “This is Mockingbird. Do you copy?”

“Mockingwho?” responded Micro.

“Jessica told me to call you for help stopping the satellite drone system.”

“Right!” affirmed Micro, “You ready?”

“Sure am,” said Bobbi, “Go for it.”

Micro walked Bobbi through the process of accessing the software used to control the drones and the software used for piloting the rocket holding the satellite. He then walked her through safely deactivating both of them, leaving a completely inactive satellite floating harmlessly into space.

“Yes!” declared Mockingbird proudly, pumping her fist.

“Did you… Rip your pants?”

Mockingbird blushed and instinctively covered her exposed underwear, turning around and seeing the agent whose collar she had shot off. She wished she had knocked him out too.

***

“He’s waking up!” a voice said.

“Thank God,” sighed another.

Captain America blinked as he found himself awake. It took him a few minutes to get his bearings. Half a dozen people were standing in front of him, staring at him. He took a moment before remembering where he was and why he had been unconscious.

“Report,” he mumbled, “What’s the status of the mission?”

“You okay?” asked Mockingbird.

“Report,” he repeated groggily.

He looked at the faces staring at him. He recognized Jessica, Mockingbird, She-Hulk, Squirrel Girl, Jane, and Thor. Captain America couldn’t help but notice that Spider-Man was not among them.

“The prisoners have been released,” said Squirrel Girl, “They’ve safely left the facility.”

“We stopped Olivia from launching her satellite weapons system,” added Mockingbird, who had strangely taken her hoodie off to tie it around her waist and cover the crotch. The black tank top she wore underneath showed off her muscular arms.

“And everyone who was under her control has been freed,” said Thor, “Though we are unable to find Peter.”

“Olivia has him,” muttered Captain America, slowly getting to his feet.

“What?” demanded Jessica, “Why!? What does she want with him?”

“I don’t know,” said Captain America standing up, “but-”

“PETER!!!” cried out Thor as lightning danced across his muscles, “I’M COMING!!”

The Thunder God leapt through the nearest wall, obliterating it with his strength and lightning as he continued to tear through the complex. The remaining heroes just stared on in awe.

“You know just a few minutes ago, he could barely stand…” said Jane.

“Any idea where Olivia might be?” asked Jessica.

“Maybe the lab,” said Captain America, “It’s worth a look at least.”

“Alright,” nodded Jessica, “Let’s go.”

Jessica went to walk off, but the others couldn’t help but notice that she was walking funny. She was bowlegged and grunting in pain with each step, occasionally stopping to adjust her pants.

“What’s with her?” asked Captain America.

“I’d tell you,” said Squirrel Girl, “but I think she’d actually kill me.”

“At least her pants are still intact,” mumbled Mockingbird, looking down at the hoodie around her waist.

***

Peter watched Olivia walk about the room with her tentacles, checking various monitors and entering data into various keyboards. She had put on a pair of thick goggles for the procedure, which certainly didn’t reassure Peter.

Peter laid across a silver operating table, stripped of everything but the pants of his costume. His wrists and ankles were bound on the four corners of the operating table by thick steel cuffs, forcing his arms over his head. A strange device had been strapped to his face, covering his mouth with a dark steel dome. Peter wasn’t sure what it did, but every few minutes it would expand a probe of some sort into his mouth, expanding until it filled his mouth and then retracting again a few minutes later.

“Yes,” nodded Olivia as she looked at one of the monitors, “Your DNA is a match. Good.”

That must have been what the device in his mouth was doing. Gathering or analyzing his DNA, possibly both. Olivia cackled to herself as she walked to another section of the room on her tentacles, grabbing a large steel crate and carrying it back to Peter.

“Earlier this year,” she said, opening the crate and looking inside, “You were exposed to an alien organism known as a symbiote, were you not?”

Peter’s eyes widened as he nervously bit down on the device in his mouth. She was right. He had bonded with the symbiote after encountering it on the remains of a Phalanx ship. What followed was a brutal and painful experience he did not want to live through again.*

*In [Spider-Man: Bonded](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22869178)

“Don’t be surprised,” she said dismissively, “Hill kept detailed files on just about every superhuman on the planet, you included.”

Peter inhaled through his nose in fear as he saw bits of white and black slime writhing inside the crate. He didn’t want to bond with another symbiote, not after what happened last time. He didn’t know if he could even handle it.

“Hill had many secret projects,” said Olivia, “but by far the most interesting was Project Lethal Protector. During Eugene Thompson’s brief tenure on the Avengers,* Hill collected a sample from his suit and had it cloned using experimental tech. The result was incomplete, but with your DNA…”

*From when the symbiote bonded with Flash in [Spider-Man: Tormented](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23071579)

Olivia plucked the device off of Peter’s face. She held the device over the crate and clicked a button, causing some sort of jelly to fall out of it and into the crate.

“You’re insane…” whispered Peter, “That thing was a monster!”

“Hahahahaha, yes…” laughed Olivia to herself as she gleefully looked at the crate.

The symbiote rose out of the crate, moving around and supporting itself like a person. The liquid form slowly shaped into a humanoid form. Then the details began to develop. Peter soon recognized it as a copy of what the last symbiote had looked like while bonded to him.

“No,” pleaded Peter quietly, “I won’t… Not again…”

“Think of it as a contribution,” smiled Olivia, “For science!”

Peter tensed up his body as the cloned Venom symbiote looked at him. Before the creature could act, however, there was a huge explosion of lightning from the other side of the room. Olivia turned and looked in the direction of the noise, but the lightning struck near her. The explosion that followed sent both her and the crate flying, taking the symbiote with it.

Peter looked over with delight to see Thor standing at the other end of the lab at the opening blown open by the attack. He was soon joined by Hellcat, Jane Foster, She-Hulk, Squirrel Girl, Mockingbird, Jessica, and Captain America. They were all here to save him!

“Wait!” pleaded Olivia as she threw her scorched goggles aside and crawled back in terror, “Let’s talk about this!”

The cloned Venom symbiote had slithered back into its crate, which automatically sealed it back inside. Peter let out a sigh of relief. Then he looked over to Thor, who had rushed over to the table. The others made their way to Olivia.

“Are you okay?” asked Thor, tearing away the cuffs one by one.

“Yes,” smiled Peter as he sat up, “Thank you.”

Thor kissed him on the forehead. Peter smiled.

“At least let me surrender with dignity!” begged Olivia.

“What do you want to do with her?” asked Jane.

“I say we tie her up and take turns throwing stuff at her,” suggested Squirrel Girl.

“I say we put one of her own collars on her and make her do whatever we want,” suggested Mockingbird playfully.

“Jen,” smiled Jessica, “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“One super mega gamma wedgie, coming up!” grinned She-Hulk, rubbing her hands and walking over to Olivia.

“Wait!” pleaded Olivia as She-Hulk reached into the pants of her uniform, “Please, no! Not again!”

“I can’t say I approve of this…” muttered Captain America quietly.

Peter couldn’t say so either. Although he did have to admit, there was a certain satisfaction to it.

“Nice granny panties, Doc!” laughed She-Hulk, grabbing two fistfuls of the white fabric in a tight underhand grip.

“Noooooooooooooo!” cried Olivia.

Squirrel Girl, Jessica, and Mockingbird all pointed and laughed as She-Hulk proceeded to whip Olivia around in every direction by her underwear, stretching it farther and farther while shoving the fabric deeper and deeper into Olivia.

“Hey,” Thor asked Peter, “What’s that?”

Thor pointed to the other end of the lab, where a young man was standing in the corner in clown makeup wearing a dunce cap. His underwear looked as though it had been torn during a wedgie of his own. He had one of the collars on around his neck.

“Don’t know,” said Peter, “Guess we should free him, though.”

“Check it out!” shouted She-Hulk from behind. They turned to see her.

She-Hulk stood making a grand gesture toward two of the columns in the room. A massive web of white fabric had been woven between them, stretching all the way back and forth across both columns multiple times from multiple directions. At the center of the web was Olivia, face frozen in a contorted moan. Her butt seemed to be connected to the center of the web, knotted in the very underwear being pulled through it.

“Oh God…” uttered Olivia, “It’s IN me…! It’s… so… far… in... me…”

***

“Are you sure?” asked Peter.

“Aye,” said Thor, “It’s for the best.”

Thor was loading his things into a trunk on the floor of Peter’s dorm. Since the battle, something had seemed off about Thor. He said that he was doing some soul searching and contemplating his place in the world, but with Thor that could have meant anything. All Peter knew for sure was that Chad Thunder would be retiring for the time being.

“Do you know where you’ll be staying?” asked Peter.

“No,” shrugged Thor, “but I have spent countless nights sleeping under nothing but the stars. I am not worried.”

“Okay…” said Peter hesitantly, “Stay safe though, okay?”

“Of course,” smiled Thor, placing his hands on Peter’s shoulders and kissing his forehead.

There was a knock at the door. Peter checked the peephole.

“It’s Seymour,” he realized.

“Let him in!” grinned Thor.

Peter did. Seymour rushed in with a huge smile on his face.

“Thor!” he said excitedly, “Thor! You’ll never believe what happened!”

“Whoa!” exclaimed Peter with concern, “What did you just call him?”

“Oh, I already told him,” said Thor.

“Yeah,” said Seymour, “That must have been crazy for you, Peter. Being assigned a Thunder God as a roommate completely at random.”

Peter sighed with relief. At least Thor had kept _his_ identity secret.

“What is it, Seymour?” asked Thor, “How goes the podcasting?”

“You’ll never believe it!” he beamed, “When word got out that the first episode’s guest star was none other than Thor, the downloads spiked! Now we’re already one of the most downloaded podcasts on the site!”

“That’s great!” congratulated Peter, “Are you able to collect any money from that?”

“Sure am!” said Seymour, “We have advertisers offering to sponsor us left and right.”

“‘Us?’” asked Thor hopefully.

“Yes!” continued Seymour, “That’s what I wanted to ask you, Thor. You’re the reason that episode was so popular. You have a real knack for this podcasting thing. How would you like to be my co host?”

“Co… host…” whispered Thor.

There was a moment of tense silence.

“HUZZAH!” declared Thor, thrusting both of his fists in the air as thunder clapped in the distance.

“One thing though,” added Seymour, “I am moving back to New Orleans when I graduate next week. If you want to be able to continue sampling the food with me, you’ll have to move down there too.”

“Absolutely!” beamed Thor, “This is exactly what I’ve been hoping for!”

“It is?” asked Peter.

“Yes,” said Thor, “Ever since I lost my hammer, my throne, my job, my home, and my dignity, I’ve been trying to decide what I want out of life. I thought maybe I had rekindled my passion for battle, but something still felt empty to me after that last fight. But this? This fills that emptiness. This is what I’ve dreamed of!”

“...okay then!” chuckled Peter, “I wish you the best with it! Stay in touch?”

“But of course!” bellowed Thor, “How else would we continue to make love?”

Peter turned bright red.

***

“They really did it,” whispered Remy.

The X-Students, Ororo, Professor Xavier, and Angelica had all gathered in the living room of the X-Mansion to watch the news coverage of the aftermath of the event. Angelica looked to Xavier across the room. He nodded. When someone thought something hard enough at Xavier, he could always hear them. The two left quietly.

“What’s on your mind, Ms. Jones?”

“You can call me Angelica, professor,” she said, “and it’s… complicated.”

“You feel betrayed.”

“You didn’t-!”

“No,” chuckled Professor Xavier, “It doesn’t take telepathy to recognize that, Angelica. Your own comrades were ready to turn on you. You were wronged.”

“It’s not just that,” said Angelica, “I joined the Avengers because I thought S.H.I.E.L.D. could do some good in the world. Then I find out they’re planning to put mutants in camps. To find out that everything I thought was all a lie? That by trusting them I was only putting m fellow mutants at risk? It... It...”

“It makes you question your own judgment,” finished Xavier, “wonder if you can trust yourself on where to go next.”

“Yes!” exclaimed Angelica, “Yes, that’s exactly it!”

“You are welcome here, Angelica,” nodded Xavier, “Here you are among people who understand what you’ve been through. Whether this is where you want to be or whether you just need somewhere to stay until you know what to do next.”

“Thank you, Professor,” smiled Angelica, “I was hoping you’d say that.”

***

“Frank Castle arrived on the scene hours later,” said the newscaster, “According to eyewitnesses, he was driving some sort of armored truck and wielding dozens of weapons, apparently in an attempt to help with the already-finished raid on the Triskelion. Castle had disappeared before authorities arrived.

“No word on the status of the so-called Mighty Avengers,” she continued, “but Captain Steve Rogers had this to say.”

The program cut to a press conference where Steve was answering questions to a frantic crowd.

“I want to thank the Department of Justice again for recognizing the crimes committed by S.H.I.E.L.D.,” said Steve, “and recognizing the unfounded nature of both Ms. Morse’s arrest and mine. The amount of human rights violated by former Director Maria Hill are too many to count. S.H.I.E.L.D. has to go.”

The program cut back to the newscaster as the press conference burst into excitement.

“With Captain America himself disparaging the organization,” she said, “many are saying that S.H.I.E.L.D.’s days are numbered. Rumors have circulated of layoffs and serious cutbacks in- One moment please.”

Jessica leaned in closer to the TV.

“This just in,” said the newscaster, “The White House has issued a statement condemning the actions of S.H.I.E.L.D. and calling for the organization to be dissolved. With Congress expected to agree, it seems like only a matter of time before S.H.I.E.L.D. as we know it is gone.”

Jessica smiled. She heard a knock at the door and got up to get it. She opened the door to Bobbi. She looked good. She was wearing the same skinny jeans and leather jacket she had been wearing when the two first hooked up.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” said Jessica.

“Sorry,” said Bobbi, “Can I come in?

Jessica nodded. Bobbi walked in as her attention was drawn to the TV, which was now playing interviews of people who had witnessed the battle. The current interview was with Darcy Lewis.

“Next thing I know, She-Hulk is giving Jessica Jones this insane wedgie!” she explained, “Like, flinging her around by the waistband and everything! Jessica Jones was all like ‘Ah! No! Help me!’ It was actually pretty funny.”

“If I kill that woman,” muttered Jessica, “Would you help me hide the body?”

“I want to move in,” said Bobbi suddenly.

“What!?”

“Sorry,” offered Bobbi, “I know that’s forward and presumptuous, but… I really like you, Jess. A lot of my world has been turned upside down recently. Aliens, conspiracies… Hell, I’ve lost both my job and my home now that S.H.I.E.L.D. is done. You’re the only thing in my life that I’ve consistently known was the right decision. I... love you, Jessica. I want to live with you.”

“Whoa,” said Jessica quietly, “That’s… a lot. I… Um… Could you give me a minute?”

“Of course,” smiled Bobbi, walking out of the apartment and closing the door behind her.

Jessica let out a pained sigh. She didn’t know what to do. She liked Bobbi too, maybe even loved her, but how could she be sure? Moving in together, dropping the L bomb like that… What if this whole relationship was a mistake? What if moving Bobbi in just brought all the problems to the surface and ruined what they had completely?

Jessica pulled out her phone and dialed Peter.

“Jessica?” answered Peter, “What’s up? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” said Jessica, “I mean, nothing serious. Do you have a minute?”

“Absolutely.”

“Bobbi just came by,” explained Jessica, “She wants to move in.”

“I see,” said Peter, “and what do you think of that?”

“I don’t know,” groaned Jessica, “I’m so worried that I’m wrong about how I feel about her. She’s basically a spy, right? How can I be sure she means what she says?”

“I guess maybe you can’t,” admitted Peter.

“So this is a bad idea then?”

“I didn’t say that,” said Peter.

“So is this the right decision or isn’t it?” asked Jessica.

“I don’t know,” admitted Peter.

“Great,” sighed Jessica.

“But I also didn’t know when I told MJ I loved her,” continued Peter, “I don’t think there is a right decision here, Jessica.”

“That’s a lot of help.”

“But I don’t think there’s a wrong one either,” he added, “Whatever you choose Jessica, I’ll have your back. Alright?”

“You’re a huge fucking nerd,” said Jessica.

Then she nodded to herself.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Jessica. Good luck.”

Jessica hung up. She thought hard. She did want Bobbi to be in her life more, but she was scared that if they started living together Bobbi would see everything wrong with Jessica. Jessica basically lived in filth, was drunk by evening half the time, and wasn’t working nearly hard enough to get her life together. She hated those things about herself. What if Bobbi did too?

 _Only one way to find out,_ thought Jessica.

Jessica opened the door. Bobbi was standing all the way at the other end of the hall. She looked at Jessica expectantly. Jessica sighed. She knew what to do.

“Rent’s due on the 1st,” she said.

Bobbi’s face broke out into a huge smile as she ran up to Jessica and threw her arms around her. Jessica stumbled back in surprise, paused for a moment, and then hugged Bobbi back. She smiled.

“There’s one more thing I’d like to say,” said Steve’s voice from the television.

Jessica and Bobbi turned to the screen and listened to what Steve was saying. Jessica’s jaw dropped. She couldn’t believe it. She had to tell Peter. He had to know!

***

Peter pulled out his buzzing phone. It was Jessica. She must have made her decision about Bobbi. Peter picked it up.

“Hi,” he said gently, “So what did you decide?”

“She’s moving in, but don’t worry about that now!” she shouted, “See if you can find the live stream of Cap’s press conference. NOW! You’re going to want to see this.”

Perplexed, Peter opened his laptop and made his way to The Fact Channel’s website. He never used the Bugle’s site if he could help it. He pulled up the stream of the still-ongoing press conference. Peter clicked up the volume.

“But now S.H.I.E.L.D. is gone,” said Steve, “and that means there’s nothing stopping me from saying this: when the Avengers fought the Phalanx this past winter, there were certain facts omitted from the official story. I am going to tell you what really happened.”

 _No…_ thought Peter, feeling a glimmer of hope, _Is he…?_

“There were nine of us gathered to combat the threat,” began Steve, “not seven. The other two were Jessica Jones and Spider-Man.”

Peter’s heart leapt. The crowd at the press conference burst into murmurs of surprise.

“They contributed to the fight just as much as the rest of us,” explained Steve, “but because of personal differences, former director Hill sabotaged Spider-Man’s success and expelled him from the team. Jessica Jones quit in disgust of Hill’s actions. This was all before the Avengers were even announced publicly. But Jessica Jones and Spider-Man were there. They fought by our side. They _are_ Avengers.”

Peter’s eyes teared up. He couldn’t believe it. How could Captain America keep finding ways to amaze him? Peter thought Hill had taken just about everything from him. Cap had just given it all back.

“...Peter?” asked Jessica over the phone, “Peter, you hear that?”

“Yeah,” sniffed Peter, “I heard it.”

“Are you crying?”

“What of it!?” demanded Peter.

Jessica laughed. Peter laughed back. Right now, as Peter sat there in his dorm laughing with Jessica, he felt like a real hero. He felt validated and loved and appreciated. He was truly proud to be Spider-Man.

***

A distant buzzing sound signalled the unlocking of the gate. Maria Hill sighed as the bars in front of her slid to the side and she was escorted through it. A week ago she had been the director of the most powerful espionage organization on the planet. Now she was being led through a prison in an orange jumpsuit.

Maria wouldn’t let that get to her. They could humiliate her all they wanted; she was certain she had done the right thing. She had failed, yes, but she had no regrets. She didn’t know if she’d ever get out of this prison and have a chance to help the world again, but she took satisfaction in knowing she had done her best.

The guards stopped her in front of another gate, where they stood and waited patiently. They were waiting for another prisoner. The two of them were to be held in the same cell. Maria glanced through the gate and saw that Olivia, in an orange jumpsuit of her own, was being led down the hall toward the other side of the gate. She was walking bowlegged and wincing with each step. Apparently she hadn’t fully recovered from the wedgie She-Hulk had given her the week before. The two were led to their cell before the guards walked away, leaving the two prisoners to sit by themselves.

“Serves you right,” said Maria.

Olivia didn’t respond.

“Did you ever find out what became of the projects?” asked Maria, “Lethal Protector? Jung? That tech had to go somewhere.”

No response.

“Maybe the DoD will take it,” shrugged Maria.

Still nothing.

“It’s not like Jung will be much use to anyone anyway,” added Maria, “Seeing how rushed and sloppy the design was.”

“That was because of your deadlines!” squeaked Olivia suddenly in a high pitch voice.

Maria broke out into a huge smile. Olivia clasped her hands over her mouth in embarrassment.

“Oh,” smirked Maria, “Is your voice just like that now?”

“It’s not my fault!” insisted Olivia, voice still high pitched, “The intense sensation of pain and humiliation of that cursed wedgie caused my diaphragm to-”

“I’m sorry,” said Maria, beginning to laugh, “I can’t take you seriously. You sound like a chipmunk.”

“Silence!” squealed Olivia angrily, “I am the greatest scientific genius in the world! I will not be disrespected like this! I have seven doctorates!!”

“I didn’t realize the Lollipop Guild offered degrees in the sciences.”

“I SAID SILENCE!” shrieked Olivia, voice higher pitched than ever.

Maria broke out into the first genuine laugh she had had in years.

**Author's Note:**

> #ChadThunderForStudentPresident


End file.
